“You’re gonna kill me one day, Cary Clarke. I thought you were freaking out.”
“I was. I don’t know what happened.”
We just sat there, silent for a moment, catching our breath.
“I just started laughing,” he said. “That was maybe the most fucked-up panic response I’ve ever had.”
“It was an explosion of emotion. But at least it was a good one.”
“Yeah.”
“Feels good to laugh, huh?”
“It felt good to be at that party with you,” he said seriously.
“Okay, if you’re trying to make me swoon, at least take me somewhere we can get naked first.”
He smirked and looked for Liam, who was just visible a little way up the hall, where he probably couldn’t hear us. Much.
Cary leaned forward on his knees and studied me. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. You?”
“Yeah.” He raked a hand through his hair. “That was fucking embarrassing. But yeah, I’ll live.”
“I dunno. I kinda liked it. If we have to make a dramatic exit every party we go to, or slip out of their like ninjas, so what? I’m sure plenty of famous people do that at parties anyway.”
“True.”
He was quiet for a moment. I smiled at him.
I wasn’t sure why we weren’t going home. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back into the party or what, so I just waited.
“I know I need someone in my life who can support me when I’m not strong,” he said.
“Good. Because you do.”
“Someone who can also be straight with me, tell me the things I don’t want to hear and challenge me when I need to be challenged. But not pressure me to the point that I fall apart. I know it’s a fucking tall order, Taylor.”
“But don’t we all need those things?”
“Maybe.” He looked away for a moment, then met my eyes again. “Gabe did all that for me. All those years. Ever since I was nine, I had that person in my life, and I didn’t even know how hard it would be to not have that person anymore. And now… you’re that person.”
“I am?”
“Yeah, dummy.”
I snorted with laughter, so surprised by that, and he smiled as I cracked up.
When I’d gotten a hold of myself again, he said, “I have no idea how you do it, but you give me everything I need in a relationship. I get blind-paralyzed when I think of losing you.”
My smile softened. “You’re not losing me, Cary.”
“You don’t know that. We don’t know what the future holds. But that’s life. We can’t have absolute control over that part. And that is the hardest part for me to accept. I have to make peace with it, Taylor, or I’ll never be able to function like a normal person. I’ll never be able to give you what you deserve. Which is a partner in life. I want to be that for you.”
“Then prove it,” I said simply.
“I’m trying to. I hope you’ll give me the chance.”
“I will give you the chance. I’ll give you the chance to ask me to come work with you again. I’ll give you the chance to ask me to move in with you, too.”
He did that smiling-with-his-eyes thing, and opened his mouth, but I kept talking.
“I’ll even give you the chance to propose to me, one day. If I don’t beat you to it first.” I reached out to take his hand, and his smile faded. Not because he wasn’t happy, but because he was taking this seriously. “You can spend the rest of your life proving it to me.”
“Okay… I don’t know what to say,” he said. I wondered if he thought I was expecting him to get down on one knee, right the fuck now.
“It’s simple, Cary. Just say you’re willing. I’m already in. Whatever happens, I’m yours. And no matter how much time we have together, we’ll be a team.”
His gorgeous, hazel eyes actually misted over at that, and I melted.
“Come on,” I pressed. “Whadya say?”
He took a deep breath. “I just… I don’t want to bring you along on this ride if you aren’t totally sure, because that’s a terrible thing to do to someone. Bring them into a relationship for a couple years that just completely drains them, and basically steals a couple years of their life. And then what? You break up and they wish they never met you and fell into this dark hole you live in.”
“What do you mean, a couple of years? I don’t want a couple of years. I want to be