billion industry parties this year, I truly get that. The people around Dirty party hard, but the closer you get to the band, the harder people work. And the band members party hard, but they work much harder. I really can’t wait for the tour… I’m hoping they invite me to go with them.” She paused, maybe considering what she’d just said. “But even if I’m back here in Vancouver, I’m sure Brody will have work for me.”
“I hope you get everything you want, Taylor.” I said it, even though it was gonna kill me if she went on tour with a band.
And left me.
“I will. For the first time in my life, I really feel like I will. I know the money I have in the bank isn’t exactly Cary Clarke money, and I’m not a rock star, but I’m becoming the most kick-ass version of Taylor there is. And I know I’ll be okay.”
“Of course you will.”
We ate in silence for a moment. I didn’t really know where this day or this morning or this conversation was going to go. I just wanted to make her brunch. Give her her flowers. Find out if she was okay.
I wanted to be near her.
But there were so many things I could feel her wanting to ask me. So many things she wanted me to say.
Did she want me to ask her not to go on tour with Dirty? To come work with me again? To move back in?
I was afraid to ask her for those things. To ask her for anything… and then fall apart on her.
“I’m just gonna ask you, Cary,” she said, after a long moment. She took a sip of her wine, then looked me right in the eye. “I’m weary of being afraid to ask you things because I’m afraid of the answer, or I’m afraid you won’t answer me at all. So here goes. Is there any chance you would join the Players and tour with them?”
I took a sip of my water and cleared my throat. “I don’t know, Taylor. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I wish I could tell them what they want to hear. But my answer is pretty much the same. I can barely leave the house. I don’t see how I could ever go on tour.”
I expected her to agree with me, maybe, but I really shouldn’t have been surprised when she didn’t. “That’s just not true.”
“Which part?”
She shook her head a little, studying me. “You know, when you say you barely leave the house, you sound like I must sound to my friends when I complain to them that I don’t have enough money to buy a house in Vancouver. They look at me like I’m a fucking dumbass who has almost a million in the bank and is still complaining. Do you get that? I’m practically a millionaire, technically, but I feel poor because I live in a city where real estate is expensive.”
“It’s not the same thing, Taylor.”
“Oh yes, it is. It’s just how you look at it. How you choose to look at it. And if you really think that you ‘never leave the house,’ then I think maybe you’re a dumbass who just produced an album—down at Little Black Hole, not in your house—with a band who are probably going to be the next hottest thing in rock music, and you’re still looking at yourself like nothing has changed.”
“I’m not sure it has.”
Taylor slipped her hand over mine on the table.
“In case I’ve never said this out loud before,” she said, “I believe in you, Cary. I want to support you any way I can. Please tell me. What is it you need from me? What can I do?”
I took a deep breath and tried to answer that question as honestly as I could. I’d been afraid to ask her for so many things I wanted. But where had that gotten either of us?
“I just need you to be here for me. Support me without pressuring me.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “I can do that.”
And I wanted to believe her. But many, many people in my life had told me they could do that, then let me down.
“Eat,” I said.
“Hmm.” She plucked an olive off her plate. “Still bossy. Glad to see you haven’t lost your edge.” Her gaze drifted down my bare chest. I was wearing sweats and that was about it, and her eyes flirted with me. “I