When I said nothing, she went on. “I can get to work on it with Courteney and let you know what we find.”
“Sure. Look, I have work to do.”
“Of course.” Her round eyes widened. They were a deep, layered turquoise like miles-deep equatorial waters. The graveyards of ancient secrets, where the wreckage of men lay, drowned.
Bermuda Triangle eyes.
She got to her feet, smoothing her hair to the side of her face. She wore a bunch of rings on her fingers, and long, turquoise feather earrings that matched her eyes. She slipped her pink suede purse with the long fringe onto her shoulder. It looked like it was older than she was. Which made me wonder her age. And why nothing she wore matched any other thing she wore, so that it was harder to make sense of her.
And why she was so comfortable here, in my living room, when no one else was.
Time to go.
She half-smiled and turned to head to the door.
I followed her at a distance, so I didn’t smell that cotton candy smell coming off her. The slight waves of her shoulder-length hair looked soft, like wisps of cloud, not bleach-dry. Like she spent more money on her hair color than her entire outfit. There was a tag sticking out of her bra, and it bugged me. I wanted to tuck it back in for her. I could see the pale tan lines criss-crossing her skin under the low back of her dress, where she’d worn something strappy and skimpy in the sun, and I wanted to know what it was.
I wanted to see her in it.
She wasn’t thin, but she wasn’t heavy. She was curvy. She probably turned the heads of guys who thought they preferred skinnier girls, who thought she wasn’t their type, who thought they hated skull jewelry and tattoos.
And it had probably always been that way.
At school, she was the unpopular girl. The one all the popular boys secretly beat off to.
And backstage she’d be the one pissing off the tall, leggy models when the rock stars and the roadies all rubbernecked at her. Because she didn’t even notice. She was just there to get her T-shirt signed.
“Thank you for meeting with me,” she said as she opened the door and stepped outside. When she realized I’d stopped, she stopped and turned to look up at me. She probably wasn’t even five-and-a-half feet, the difference between us exaggerated because I was standing on the raised threshold.
Her shipwreck eyes met mine. She had arched, light-brown eyebrows, maybe the color of her natural hair. But her eyebrow piercing was distracting. Her tattoos were distracting. (Gimme Shelter. Why?) Her puffy lips were distracting. The jiggle of cleavage at the slight dip in the front of her dress was distracting. I didn’t want to look into her eyes but I didn’t want to look anywhere else.
Go. Stay.
When I said nothing, which was my way of saying we were done here, she seemed to hesitate to leave. “You’re not a ghost, are you?” She gave me a tiny smile.
I wish. Wouldn’t that be easier.
Shit, was I really this much of a freak?
As she stared at me, it occurred to me that in the past five years, I’d had very few women look at me, and me at them.
My sister. My mom, when I could stand to be around her. Rose, the old lady who cleaned my house.
Nicolette.
A few of my sister’s friends who came around when she was here.
That was pretty much it.
Five. Years.
I forced myself to extend my hand. My wrist felt soft, like it might bend if she gripped me too hard. She looked at it, like she could tell.
My heart was beating way too fast.
When she slipped her hand into mine, I gave her a slight squeeze to prove to myself that I could touch someone beautiful who I wasn’t paying to allow it, and not freak out.
“Real,” I said.
Her eyes locked on mine again as I held her soft hand, and the hairs up the back of my neck stood up. The prickle travelled right around my scalp as her pupils dilated, like whirlpools opening up to suck me in. I pulled my hand back.
Hers dangled in the air between us for a moment too long.
“I’ll talk to your sister,” she said, her voice softer and huskier than before as she lowered her hand. “I can’t promise anything, since I’ve never really done this before. But I’ll do what I can to find you