“Not really. But honestly, my family has its own dramas, and I wouldn’t expect anyone outside of our family to understand, either. So I get it. It’s complicated. And it’s dysfunctional. And you and Cary had to find your own ways to survive it.” I touched her arm. “I’m sure it helps that you’re both so smart and likable.”
She smiled a little. “Thanks.”
“But seriously, Courteney, this is devastating. What do I do to fix this?”
“Well, the thing that I’ve learned over time is that you can’t. You can just be there for him.”
We both just looked at each other for a long moment, maybe thinking the same scary thought.
“What if he won’t let me?” I said.
“No,” she said firmly, taking hold of my hand. “That’s not up to him to decide.”
I tried to absorb that, but it was like I was in shock. I couldn’t quite believe that he’d locked me out. Me.
“Things were going so good, Courteney. He told me he loved me. I can’t believe I fucked this up.”
Courteney stared at me. Her eyes softened to two liquid pools as she absorbed that. I had no idea if she knew, before this moment, that her brother and I were falling in love.
But now, she knew.
“You didn’t fuck up, Taylor,” she said gently. “You tried to do something nice for him on his birthday.” She cocked her head, a smile playing at her mouth. “He told you he loves you?”
“Yes.”
She glanced out the French doors, toward the pool. “And you were throwing him a party?”
“Yeah. Just a small one. It was just supposed to be me and him. But the way he looked at me… I guess this surprise didn’t go over so well.”
“It would have, I’m sure. If my parents weren’t here.”
“I’m so sorry,” I told her, again, because right now I couldn’t tell him. Because he wouldn’t let me.
“Trust me, Taylor. You’ve made things better for my brother. My parents… they just make things worse.”
“I had no idea his relationship with them was so bad. I should’ve realized, though. I mean, I’m no stranger to messed up family dynamics.”
“It’ll be okay,” she said. “You didn’t know. He’ll realize that. Just give him some space.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
I could. This was just a glitch, right? I made a mistake and he’d understand that.
I’d give him space.
And then he’d come back to me. He’d let me in again.
He told me he loved me. Which meant he’d forgive me for fucking up, because that’s what you did when you loved someone.
We’d talk it out.
And then things would go back to the way they were before.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Taylor
Look Alive, Stay Alive
Things didn’t go back to the way they were.
After Courteney left, I sent Cary another carefully worded, apologetic text, asking him if we could please talk. Then I cleaned up every trace of the party stuff, except my gift for Cary, which I left outside the studio doors for him.
I knew there wasn’t much that he couldn’t buy for himself, so I’d opted for something personalized that he probably wouldn’t buy for himself, and got him a new, brown leather bracelet. The one he always wore was getting worn. And maybe I was optimistic that he might wear the new one in the future. Maybe onstage? Part of reinventing himself as a rock star—Cary 2.0—if he ever managed to do that. I could feel it when we talked; as much as he protested it, he wanted it, too.
The bracelet was plain, like his old one, with a simple pattern stamped into it, but on the backside it said: Heart of Gold.
Because, you know, he had a heart of gold. And he liked that song.
I hoped he’d like his new bracelet.
I spent the rest of the night in the poolhouse, alone for the first night in weeks, barely sleeping.
By late the next morning, when I still hadn’t received any response from Cary, I hauled my ass over to my best friend’s place so I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the weekend alone, indefinitely. Danica and Ash often went to their house on the island on weekends, but they’d stayed in town this weekend because I told her I might need her. And need her I did.
It was now Saturday night, and we were sitting in the living room of their downtown condo. Me, Danica and Ash, plus Matt and Xander. Courteney stayed home to work. Apparently, she was working on some mysterious, top-secret book, which I only found out