half a year in that house. My parents at least let me finish high school. Then they packed us up and we took off. They never came back. I did.”
“You came back to the city alone?”
“Yup.”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“It was.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Because I wanted to be here. I didn’t want to live on the road anymore.”
“I can relate to that.”
“Well, trust me, this life was no rock star tour. And living with my family was not easy. It was never easy when I was little, but I didn’t know anything different. When we hit the road again just before I turned eighteen, I knew different. I’d seen how it was in Danica’s family. They were always a little eccentric, but they were solid. She would complain about how self-centered they all were, and they definitely had a flair for drama. But there was so much love in their homes. They were so close. We’d go visit one of her aunts and there would be all this food. They’d treat me like one of their own. My family wasn’t like that. We had so little, yet they were always out for themselves. They weren’t evil or anything, just ridiculously narcissistic for a bunch of people who lived in an RV with no working shower.”
Cary actually smiled a little at that.
“I needed to see a therapist for a few years to sort through my childhood,” I explained. “I actually saw a few. Sometimes you need to, to find one that’s a good fit for you and what you’re going through. I just want you to know, I know what therapy is like. And I know how it can help.”
“Yeah. Sometimes it can.”
Okay. So at least I’d gotten him to admit that.
His self-care list was great and all the techniques he used to manage his anxiety were great, and obviously they were working.
But not working well enough.
“You know,” I told him, “it does fit under my job description to set up an appointment for you. I’m sure we could arrange a virtual therapy session, anytime that works for you. Or maybe even a house call, if you’d ever like that.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
I smiled.
“What time are you meeting the girls?” he asked me.
I checked my phone. “Oops. About half an hour. I should go.”
“Let them know you might be a few minutes late.” He was pulling out his phone, putting his bossy pants back on. “Liam will drive you.”
“I can just take a cab, Cary.”
“I’m getting Liam. I’d feel better knowing you have him on call to drive you around if you go barhopping. And to bring you home.”
“Okay. Thank you. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
“I can’t, Taylor,” he said. He didn’t look at me when he said it.
He acted like he was fine with me going out without him. But as usual, with Cary, there was so much more to the story than met the eye.
I watched him messaging Liam, and I tried to put myself in his shoes.
I was going out tonight, with friends, without him… and maybe it was finally hitting me for the first time. How long he’d been going through all of this. Alone.
How hard it must’ve been for him.
And how much he’d missed out on.
Chapter Eighteen
Taylor
Saturday Night
“This place is awesome. How long do you think it’ll last?”
“Not long, unfortunately,” Danica said. “Madeleine put a lot of work into it.”
“Well, it looks great.”
We were leaning on the long, lit-up bar, just Danica and I, sipping our first drink of the evening. The bar in question had just opened, mere weeks ago. It was pretty much on the razor’s edge of the worst part of town, a block from “needle park” as we so fondly called it, in a once beautiful old building with a renovated interior. Danica’s aunt Madeleine’s interior design firm, where Danica worked, had handled the renovations.
It was the first time Danica and I had checked it out together, and so far, so good. The DJ was playing chill, start-of-the-night music with just the right vibe—sexy—and they had an incredible cocktail list. There was cushy seating around well-spaced tables, a small danceable area at the back, a well-dressed, cool crowd, and basically, it was way too good to be true.
It would probably be closed down by the next time we tried to come here. That seemed to be happening more and more with every hot new place we found.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” my best friend said, and I