Loved by a Beast - Miranda Bridges Page 0,39
because of Vivian’s traumatic delivery, the fabricated affair, and the ever-present threat of war isn’t gone. And I also don’t want to get pregnant again. Yania was right when she said it is better to wait to move forward with our lives once the war is over and we are safe again.
“I don’t want to have another baby so soon,” I say when Anwa studies me a little too closely.
She waves a hand in dismissal. “You needn’t be concerned. I have already given you something for that.”
Alien birth control; who knew?
“Another leaf?” I ask, trying to keep my skepticism from coating my tone.
Anwa nods. “Only this one needs to be ingested.” She places her hand on my leg and pats it once in a show of comfort. “I will give you one before I leave, and you will be protected within the hour. After seeing what your human friend went through, as well as what you yourself experienced, I figured you would be of this frame of mind.” She hands me a tiny blue leaf and gives me a stern look. “Swallow it.”
I nod and obey, not wanting her to know that I really won’t be needing the medicine because I don’t plan on having sex or getting pregnant anytime soon. She probably wouldn’t understand, and part of me doesn’t either, on the sex piece. When will I desire Jaxar again? The idea of discussing that with him takes awkward to a whole new level.
And it gets worse when he walks in.
Anwa rises from the bed, wiping her hands with a cloth. “Masse.”
He dips his head in acknowledgment. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, the Massela has fully recovered, and I’ve given her something to prevent conception for the time being so she can be sexually active.”
At first, Jaxar frowns at the news of my being on birth control, but the second the latter part of what Anwa said registers, his gaze snaps to mine. The hunger within is as ravenous as the day we were married, if not more. I turn my head, unable to maintain his stare as shivers trickle down my spine. Whether they are from apprehension or something else, I can’t tell.
Anwa says her farewells, and I follow her with my gaze, silently pleading with her to stay a while longer. Of course, it doesn’t work, so I take Kharis and tend to him, using him as a buffer between Jaxar and me.
My husband climbs on the bed and settles himself beside me, propping up his head with his hand. He doesn’t speak as I feed my son, watching me all the while, and this causes some serious heart palpitations. And those turn into a full on heart attack when he takes my son to place him in his crib and then gets on all fours on the bed. He moves toward me, his desire unmistakable and his intent clear.
Needless to say, I panic.
“Wait.”
He does as I command, but the burning in his gaze morphs from lust to frustration in the blink of an eye. “What is the matter?”
I bite my lip, waiting for divine inspiration that will somehow help me avoid this whole situation, but nothing comes. It’s probably for the best anyway, since Jaxar always seems to know when I lie. Well, attempt to. I’ve never gotten away with it, especially not with him.
“I…” Nerves dive into my esophagus and swell, making it hard for me to speak. After clearing my throat, I try again. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
My eyes bulge as he crawls the length of my body, stopping to hover over me with our faces no more than two inches apart. Even though I’m under the furs and he’s on top, I can still feel the heat of him along with his warm breath as it fans over the bridge of my nose.
“Why?”
His voice is soft and nonthreatening, yet my anxiety over this whole thing skyrockets. So I do what I always do when I get nervous: I word vomit.
“Well, everything is crazy right now, and I just had a baby, which is a lot to deal with emotionally. Not to mention the fact that my best friend almost died right in front of me. And let’s not forget you had an affair.” I shake my head and briefly squeeze my eyes shut. “I mean, supposed affair. But the thing is that it felt real to me, and I don’t know how to get rid of those feelings. And did I mention