Love Triangle Six Books of Torn Desire - Willow Winters Page 0,519

But he’s still lean and muscular. My body heats and my thighs scissor slightly, but I play it off, turning my back to him to lie on my left shoulder.

“Is that alright?” he asks me, his voice carrying through the dark night and cutting me down to my deepest insecurity. It’s not alright and nothing about this situation is. But those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.

My eyes squeeze shut tight and I give in to what I want, slowly moving my body towards his. Wouldn’t it be a lie to deny it?

“I’m afraid I’ll like it too much if you stay,” I tell him with my eyes closed as the bed dips. I don’t watch him as I lay out all the bare truth. “I’m afraid I’ll forgive you and I’ll forget why we shouldn’t be married.” My breath comes in staggered hiccups. All the words pouring out from deep down in my soul and leaving my lips in a rush.

A rough sound comes from deep in his throat as the bed dips. “You don’t know what you want, Kat,” Evan tells me although the confidence is missing. “You want me to leave because you’re afraid. You won’t fight for me to stay because you know I will regardless of what you say, isn’t that right?”

My brow furrows as I take in his words. I can see his eyes in the dark room, staring deep into mine as he climbs closer to me, making the bed shift beneath my still body. He stares at me as if I’m his prey and that’s just how I feel. “No. I want you to leave because we’re leading different lives.” I have to second-guess my words.

“Then let’s get back on track. Let’s start over,” he whispers and then leans closer to me. As if checking his boundaries as he rests his hand on the pillow above my head. I don’t push him away, but I don’t move toward him either.

I’m fucked no matter what I do.

I feel empty and hollow. All the sadness and regret has been shed from me, leaving nothing behind but faint memories of what we had and the hint of all the hopes and dreams I had so long ago to make my heart flutter. As I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat, Evan lies next to me, gently resting his hand on my hip. He’s silent but I can hear his steady breath and that smell. I inhale deeper. God, what that smell does to me. My head dips further into the pillow as I readjust under the covers and when I do, Evan lifts his hand slightly. Waiting to see which way I’ll turn.

And I turn toward him.

“You make me a stupid woman,” I tell him as my eyes slowly open. His hazel eyes are so clear at this angle. Maybe it’s the moon creeping in from the slit between the curtains. Or maybe something else.

He smirks at me, although there’s a sadness in his smile as he brushes my hair from my face.

“Tell me you’ll stay with me.”

“Tell me why I shouldn’t,” I say back instantly and the soft look of longing in his eyes fades away and the soothing motion of his thumb rubbing along my temple falters. My eyes drop to his chest and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. “You said you didn’t cheat,” I tell him, but mostly I make a promise to myself. “So I believe you.”

“Thank you,” he says so softly beneath his breath I hardly hear him. His shoulders sag slightly and it makes the bed creak with relief.

I want to say more. I want to make some sort of demand or ultimatum … or ask why he was there. Why he lied to the world. But instead I curl into him.

“Don’t leave me,” he gives me the request and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him, closer to his scent, his warmth, to the man I’ve been desperate to be with for so damn long.

“I won’t promise you that,” I tell him with my eyes open, staring at a small scar on his left shoulder. I lift my hand up and let my fingers play along it. “You’re right that I don’t know what I want. So we’ll just have to find out.”

He’s quiet for a long time. And part of my heart, a very large part of it aches. It’s a horrible feeling