Love Is a Rogue (Wallflowers vs. Rogues #1) - Lenora Bell Page 0,99
with money most of all. They set their own rules.”
“I’ve decided to break the rules.”
“If your father were alive he’d put a swift stop to this madness. He’d have something to say about his only daughter throwing her life away.”
“He’d say what he always said. That I was a cripple, that I was deficient and unlovable.”
“You heard him say those terrible things?”
“Of course I did, Mama. He shouted them. And I absorbed his words and I believed them. Until I met Ford and decided to start living my life, instead of watching it from a distance. There’s pain in this world, and there’s joy. I’ll taste both, but I won’t hide from life anymore.”
Her mother turned her face away. “So you love him?”
“With all my heart.”
“And you’re ruined?”
“Utterly.”
“Oh, Beatrice. My little girl.” Her mother started crying then, and it broke Beatrice’s heart to hear her sobbing.
“Can you be happy for me, Mama?”
“I should never have allowed you to go to that bookshop.”
“Probably not.”
“I was going to announce your engagement to Mayhew at the ball. Oh,” she moaned, pressing her fingers to her eyes. “This is a nightmare.”
“Mayhew’s not a worthy suitor, mother. He is a known degenerate.”
“He’s an earl, Beatrice. Once upon a time, I’d hoped you might wed a duke, as I did. But an earl would have sufficed.”
“And was your marriage so blissful that you wanted the same for me?”
“My marriage with your father may not have been a loving one, but he provided all of the material comforts and protection that any lady could ask for.”
“I don’t want the same things you want, Mama. You think you can mold me in your image, that the heavy pendulum of societal mores and expectations will move me into my proper place.”
“We all have our duties to fulfill.”
“But I was never able to fulfill mine, was I, Mama? I’ve never been your perfect daughter. I can’t even smile. How am I to attract a mate?” She used her mother’s own words, the words she’d overheard her saying. The words she’d written in the diary entry that Ford had read.
“Why can’t you see that everything I’ve done has been for your own good?” asked her mother. “It will break my heart if you are cast out from society.”
“There are many kinds of happiness, Mama. Aunt Matilda was happy.”
“She was scandalous. I wasn’t even allowed to speak to her. My Beatrice, I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t want you to become an outcast.” Tears slid down her mother’s cheeks, and Beatrice moved closer to her bedside and wiped them away with a clean handkerchief. “I wasn’t able to protect you. Not when you were a baby, when they pulled you out of me with their metal instruments and marred your face. And not now, when you’re making such an enormous mistake. Consider the consequences of your actions.”
“Mama,” Beatrice said gently. “I know you want the best for me, but you must allow me to lead my own life. It’s my life.”
Her mother turned away. “Perhaps I’ve pushed you too hard. Pushed you away.”
“We’ll find a way through this. We’ll find a way to forgive each other.”
Her mother sighed. “The scandal sheets won’t be forgiving.”
“They never are.”
“Your friends will cut you.”
“Not if they’re my true friends.”
“So you’ll marry that man?”
“His name is Ford, Mama. And yes, I’ll wed him if he asks me.”
Her mother sat up. “He hasn’t asked you yet? What’s wrong with the man? He ruins you and doesn’t offer you the protection of marriage?”
“We haven’t arrived at that conversation yet.” It was time to change the subject, distract her mother. “Rafe looked well at the ball.”
“He did.” Her mother perked up. “He’s not limping as much now. Do you think he took an interest in any young ladies last night?”
“I’m sure the young ladies took an interest in him,” said Beatrice. “Now that he’s back in London he’ll be the most eligible bachelor, besides Westbury, that is.”
“That’s true. I could plan another ball in Rafe’s honor.”
Beatrice hid a smile. “Our family will survive this scandal, Mama.”
“I only wanted life to be easy for you. I wanted you to become a countess so no one could laugh at you anymore.”
“Let them laugh. At least they’re laughing, and not crying. Now dry your tears, Mama.”
Her mother sighed heavily. “You’ve always been headstrong. You’ve never listened to me, not really. I don’t know why I thought matters of the heart would be any different.”