Love Notes - By Heather Gunter Page 0,1

see the effect his words have on me. Deep down I am screaming at myself. “Don't cry, don't cry. Never let him see you cry. It shows weakness.” I can't ever let him see that vulnerable part of me ever. He will grab hold of it and break the rest of me piece by piece and I will never be whole again. It would completely break me.

I walk as casually back to my room as I possibly can. The tears finally start to free fall down my face the closer I get. The sad part is I think he's right. This is normal. Ground me and then make a dig about either my weight or looks. I deserve it. I know what I look like, nobody needs to remind me.

I quietly shut my door and put my iPod on. Music, the only thing that will calm me. As words are playing through the speakers, it's a song that couldn't describe how I am feeling at the moment any more perfectly. And the words couldn’t be any truer.

I stand in front of the mirror that I'd just hung up the night before and look at myself. I see a tear stained girl standing there, nothing special to look at. My best and only attractive feature would be my eyes. However they don’t outweigh the bad. I have dark auburn hair that hangs past my shoulders in long layers. On a good day, my hair is tamable. On most days, it’s in between curly and straight. I see chubby cheeks and a double chin as well as a nose that resembles a ski slope. Nothing special here. Just an overweight, plain Jane girl.

Chapter 2-Charlie

I wake up with the reminder of what today is and I can’t help the heavy feeling that’s weighing me down and the reason for it.

My dad has been transferred so many times that I’ve lost count. We now reside in a small little town north of Atlanta in Nowhereville. I’m starting my senior year at a new school and I have been assured by my mother that this will be the last one. Then I’m off to college. College can not come any faster for me. I can’t wait to get out of here, on my own and stay somewhere for more than a year. A place to finally call home, even if it’s in a dorm room.

I despise starting a new school, although I should be a pro at it by now. That’s what happens when your dad has a job that has him transferred from place to place. Then there’s the constant annoyance of having to explain why my name is Charlie and that in itself always is a conversation and a half. Yes, I have a boy’s name and yes my dad seems to have had a wicked sense of humor (amongst other things) when I was born. Not sure what my mom was thinking by allowing that, but it is what it is. If you ask me, giving your child a funky name is a form of child abuse.

I had joined the school choir at my last school and left behind a couple of friends, but I never get to keep them for long. It seemed like the minute I would get settled into a new school, my dad was transferred and it was moving time again. I’ve always made friends. I’ve just never had great friends, anyone that I could trust and confide in, or felt comfortable with.

I love music. There isn’t a way that I can even articulate in words how much I love it. Music is an escape from everything that’s wrong in my life. I love to sing, doesn’t mean I’m worthy of a record deal but I have a nice, pleasant, what others have called angelic voice. I attended long enough to be part of the school musical production. I'd received a solo and was privileged to sing in front of the whole school. After I had sung my solo, it seemed that everything had finally fallen into place. They seemed to like me for me. I felt comfortable, at least as much as I would allow myself to be. I could be somewhat funny and show another side of myself. I didn’t have to worry as much about the extra pounds I carried because nobody seemed to care. Well, maybe except for me and my dad. Especially since I am reminded of this almost daily. Despite finally feeling