Love Me Again - Aiden Bates Page 0,3

home and I could bump into him at any of my favorite places or a local grocery store was enough for me to doubt myself. He was definitely a trigger I didn’t need.

I stood and started to clear the wrappers into the trash, dumping my half-eaten burrito with a frown. I could have easily eaten another fifteen.

I dropped onto the couch next to Adrian. “Okay, dude. Prepare to be beaten again.”

“It’s a good thing you work from home.” He glanced at me as we waited for the cut scene to play out. “Not everyone gets to do this kind of shit doing the workday.”

“Oh, yeah?” I laughed at him. “What’s your excuse?”

He returned his attention back to the game and shrugged. “Sleeping with the boss.” He mashed his keys in his usual style of gameplay as we ran down a corridor. Then, “You know you really can just stay here now, though, right? You don’t have to leave town if Shayne is already gone.”

I sighed as the real reason for him staying became clear. “Lakeshore is… I don’t know. Tainted for me, now. But I’ll think about it. For you, I really will. I need you to know that if I still decide to go—” I broke off and gritted my teeth as I approached an enemy to execute a finishing move.

“Yes,” Adrian prompted.

I sighed. “If I decide to go, it’s because I can’t mentally handle being around Shayne or the memory of Shayne. I’m going to need your help handling Mom and Dad on that.”

Adrian sighed and leaned back as his side of the screen tinted red. “I’ll agree to whatever is best for you. You know that.”

I waited for the rest as I reloaded my ammo. There was a ‘but’ at the end of his sentence. He just hadn’t said it yet.

“But—”

And there it was.

“You know that you moving is going to descend our entire family into some so-far undiscovered chaos circle of hell.”

I grinned at Adrian’s flair for the dramatic. Then he dropped out of the game and snuggled his head against my shoulder to watch me, the same position he’d adopted so many times as we grew up. My chest ached at the familiarity of it, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak if I tried.

Moments like this brought home to me that my brothers were my best friends. Even though I’d been different than them growing up, they never made me feel that way. They’d always just accepted me, fat ass, blubbery belly, and all. I truly didn’t know if I’d find that anywhere else. And Shayne had shown me that love couldn’t be counted on.

Even the idea of moving away felt kind of like abandoning my brothers, though. Even if I knew they’d have my best interests in mind. I just...

I blew out a soft sigh and leaned my cheek against the top of Adrian’s head as he watched me pwn enemy after enemy. Playing mindless games like this had always been a stress release for me.

From experience, I was stronger than this blip. It just felt all-consuming now. No one guy was really worth disrupting my peace, and no one deserved enough importance in my life that I would overhaul everything I knew for them.

But…but…but. The doubts kept crowding in.

Sometimes my brain just didn’t function the way I wanted it to when it came to my depression, and I wanted to stave off that feeling of lack of control for as long as I could by controlling everything I had the power to. That was how I kept going. It had always been how I kept going.

These days, I usually did it through my regimented fitness regime. But if moving away was something I needed to add, it seemed like a small sacrifice to keep myself on an even keel.

Adrian shifted, and when he spoke, his voice was small. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive Shayne for what he did?”

I sucked in a breath. Years had passed since that day, that moment that destroyed me. I’d never get back the person I was then. The person I was going to be was gone too, leaving me all that I’d become afterward. Forever changed.

“Forgiveness isn’t for the person who wronged you, Adrian,” I whispered before I cleared my throat and spoke a little louder. “Forgiveness is for you, so you can finally start to sleep again at night. So, to answer your question, I hope I forgive him one day.” I swallowed