Love Me Again - Aiden Bates Page 0,17
“I can be sorry for ever hiring that jerk, right?”
“Mm.” I was noncommittal again. “I mean, yes and no. You didn’t know then what I’ve just told you, and Shayne actually is the best guy for your job, so he’s the guy you need right now.”
“But he hurt you so much.” It was almost like I could hear my own pain in Kane’s voice.
“I know he did.” And the pain hadn’t gone away. It had just changed with time. “But we can’t let my past get in the way of your project and all the kids we can help, right?”
“You’re a better guy than I am.”
I shook my head and swallowed. I didn’t feel like a better guy. I’d just had more practice at ignoring my feelings over the years. “I’m just a big boy now,” I said, my tone self-deprecating. “If I can’t be in the same room as the guy who hurt my widdle feewings, it’s a bad day to be Leo Caldwell, right?”
“Stop that.”
I looked at my phone in surprise at Kairo’s sternness.
“Stop minimizing your feelings like that. They matter and they’re important, no matter how you’ve trained yourself to behave, no matter how much covering up you do so the rest of us don’t know how much things affect you. It’s okay to not always be strong. What the hell point is having so many brothers if you’re carrying all this fucking emotional baggage around by yourself all the time?” He almost sounded angry, but I knew it wasn’t directed at me, and I loved him for being so snappy on my behalf.
“I feel so loved.” I teased him.
“You’d better believe it,” he shot back, and I grinned.
“But seriously, I can handle a little Shayne for the greater good. Yes, he broke my heart, but that event also gave me the push I needed to lose weight. I channeled everything I had into making myself worthy of the next guy—”
Kairo’s huffed sigh interrupted me. “I wish you didn’t see things that way. You never were, you never are, you certainly never will be unworthy. You’re an amazing guy, Leo. You can’t help it—it’s in the Caldwell genes.”
I laughed. “Thank you. But I was trying to say I really can handle being around Shayne, I promise. He’s even the reason I’m able to give back so much to these kids, if you think about it.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
I almost laughed at Kairo’s outrage.
“Let’s not swing this around into giving the guy actual credit.”
“Okay,” I murmured. “No actual credit. But I can still follow through on my commitment, and I don’t want you feeling bad about it.”
I’d called Kairo with the intention of letting him feel the full force of my anger but he wouldn’t have deserved it, and I was glad I’d stopped myself and given him an explanation instead.
I felt lighter because of it, more able to cope, and now that Kairo would be looking out for me, I felt more confident about doing the mentoring, Shayne or no Shayne. Besides, they wouldn’t need photographs forever. Just while they got started.
“So, flag football on the agenda for Saturday?”
“Sure is,” Kairo said. “If you’re up for it, that is.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” I confirmed.
I jogged to the park again, looking for that natural endorphin high that always followed exercise. My good mood after my chat with Kairo had remained, and the burden I’d long carried over Shayne had lessened now that I’d shared it. I wasn’t alone anymore, and Kairo had my back. It had been cathartic.
The paths were dappled with shade, and people strolled and chatted. I felt almost invisible as I jogged past them—just another user in the park—which was exactly how I liked it.
My group stood on one of the big playing fields. Kairo had formally paired each kid with their adult mentor, although some had dropped out since the last meeting, leaving just six adults and six kids aside from Kairo and another staff member from the hospital, and Shayne.
I spotted him the moment I saw him, and my instinctive response surprised me. My talk with Kairo must have taken me right back to my past, because in that first instant I saw him, camera to his face, I felt a spark of intense joy—the same way I’d always felt it when I saw him taking his pictures.
Then I swallowed and returned to the present, almost searching myself for the feeling of dread that always soured my stomach when Shayne was nearby, the one