today who just yelled out the upstairs window to leave the parcel on her car. Makes me feel like I’ve got the plague.’
‘For all they know, you might have,’ I joke.
‘Yeah it’s made everyone pretty fearful … Bad times, mate. Nah, it’s not work that’s the problem.’ He sounds furtive and lowers his voice to a whisper. ‘It’s Rick.’
‘What’s up with him?’ Rick is Dan’s room-mate. We all worked together in the holidays in our first student job down at the local eatery. Rick is a nice enough guy, a real joker, but he can be full on when he gets going.
‘He’s not the problem, exactly. More his girlfriend. Wait a minute.’ He breaks off for a moment. ‘I’m shutting the door – I don’t want them to hear.’
‘I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.’ That’s the other thing about Rick – he’s a bit of a lad. I don’t think he’s ever stuck with anyone for more than a couple of dates. They usually run away and change their number, if not their whole identity by that stage.
‘He didn’t.’
‘I’m confused now.’ I shove in a mouthful of cake; perhaps the chocolate will help my addled brain.
‘He has now, though, and that’s the problem.’
‘Don’t you like her?’ I’m also wondering how he even met someone in the current situation.
‘No, I don’t think anyone does. He must have been totally trashed when he met her.’
‘Surely he can’t see her at the moment anyway? We’re all in lockdown.’
‘That’s the thing: she was a one-night stand and hasn’t gone home since they got together, because the next day the lockdown started.’
This does not surprise me with Rick at all. ‘That’s classic. So you’re all stuck with her.’
Dan sounds cross now. ‘Yes, and she’s the most hideous person ever. Totally obsessive.’
‘Maybe she can’t help that. Anyway, you are a bit of a slob.’
‘But it’s my flat! I didn’t ask to live with her and I really can’t do it. You know my new rugby kit?’
‘Yeah.’ Perhaps I’ll finish that cake. I reach for the rest of it.
‘She’s dyed it.’
‘Dyed it?’
‘Dyed it. Pink.’
I laugh again; I can’t help it. ‘That’s unfortunate.’
‘Unfortunate! It’s a flipping disaster. It cost over a hundred quid and now it’s bright pink. All because she can’t leave anything unwashed or not put away. I can’t find anything. And she is the world’s pickiest eater – except when it comes to my food. I went to the cupboard yesterday and she’d eaten all the Twix.’
‘That is a serious offence, especially at the moment; snacks are like gold dust. Perhaps you should lock them away?’
‘And my beers have all run out because they’re her favourite.’
‘I suppose at least you can go get some more.’ I’m beginning to struggle here. It’s tough having someone grumble about stuff running out when at least he’s able to get out. It’s a basic human right.
‘Not the point though, is it.’ There’s a silence. ‘It’s no good, Jack. I’m going to have to move out.’
‘But where would you go?’ Dan is a bit of a drama queen. Only he could think of flouncing out of his flat in the middle of a lockdown.
‘That’s the thing, I was wondering …’
‘Look, Dan, of course you could crash here if we weren’t in the middle of a lockdown.’
‘I was hoping it might be okay, just for a couple of nights.’
‘It’s not that. I just can’t risk it – I’m meant to be staying in. Can’t even go out for a walk.’ I feel really awkward now.
‘I haven’t really been in contact with many people.’ I hate it when people say things like this. I know Dan has at least seen Rick and this new girl, whoever she is, and we don’t know how many people she sees each day or anything else. The whole situation is so complicated; the risks are incalculable.
‘What, on your delivery rounds?’
‘Yeah, we stay at least a couple of metres away.’
‘I know, mate, but I just can’t risk it,’ I repeat almost as though I’m convincing myself. It would be so nice to have Dan here. We could have a real laugh. It would be someone to watch TV with, help cook, and besides I miss him. I don’t even know when I’m going to see him again. But no, it’s too high a price to pay. ‘I’m really sorry. What about Matt?’
‘I could ask him I s’pose, but he’s a terrible snorer.’