If my sister Jess lived any closer, it would be a complete nightmare.’
‘I know what you mean.’ He laughs. ‘I’m glad Sam’s around though. He’s about to become a dad.’
‘Exciting – when’s the baby due?’
‘In the next couple of weeks.’
‘Not long then. How’s Sam’s wife doing? It must be stressful in the middle of this whole business?’ I know I would be terrified giving birth in the middle of a lockdown, although I guess it would be exciting as well. This birth would be a small moment in history, a snapshot from a major human drama. Ryan and I had discussed having kids several times. He wanted to have children and so did I, until I was ill that is; it made everything so much more complicated. Now our dreams feel as flimsy and transient as a gossamer-thin spider’s web flickering in a thunderstorm.
‘Tina? Yeah, she’s doing okay, though Sam says she’s driving him mad with frenetic scrubbing of everything in the house. Even the cat’s running scared in case he ends up with a good bathing.’
I laugh. ‘That’s quite normal, as I understand it. My flatmate Erica’s a midwife and she says all sorts of strange behaviour is completely run of the mill when dealing with pregnant women.’
‘From what Sam says, I think she’s right. Tina has insisted on reading Shakespeare to the bump at least once a day as well as the Quantum Theory of Physics – apparently she figures he or she needs to be fully rounded – at the same time as eating mustard and gherkin sandwiches. Most bizarre.’ He pauses a second. ‘Nice for you to have company – when your flatmate’s not at work.’ He sounds envious.
‘Are you on your own up there, then?’ I wonder if he has a girlfriend living with him.
‘Yep, at the moment. I used to have a flatmate but he moved out. I was about to advertise for a new inmate and this all happened.’
‘What a pain – you must be fed up then. How are you coping on your own? I guess at least it’s peaceful?’
‘Yeah maybe a bit too quiet for me,’ he admits.
‘Are you still working?’
‘Nope, the bar’s shut.’
‘Oh, of course.’ I feel really stupid now. ‘Which bar is that?’
‘Soho.’
‘Oh, I know it.’ I’ve been several times with Erica. I wonder whether I might have seen this guy there, amongst the admittedly fit and smartly uniformed barmen. ‘It’s great in there, nice atmosphere.’
‘Yeah it is good, and our cocktails are second to none.’ I can feel the pride in his voice.
‘I can tell.’ I take another sip. ‘I haven’t been in there for ages.’
‘You’ll have to pop in when we’ve reopened.’
‘That would be lovely. I can’t wait to have a night out again with the girls.’
‘It all seems a long time ago now, doesn’t it?’
‘Going on a night out?’
‘Going out at all.’ The raw tone of despair paired with utter resignation in his voice is painful to hear.
‘Are you stuck in then?’
‘Yeah, pretty much.’
‘Oh that sucks.’ I wonder why he’s having to stay in. He must be shielding for some reason, but I don’t like to ask why.
‘Yeah it does. I’ve got kidney disease, so I’m in the high-risk category. Not that I’ve got a letter to prove it or anything. But doctor’s advice. You know how it is.’
‘I do, actually.’ I know all too well. It was with mixed emotions I had read the letter from the hospital.
We would like to inform you that there are no known additional risks associated with catching Covid-19 if you have epilepsy. If, however, you have any concerns, please call the Epilepsy Team.
In spite of this supposedly reassuring letter, I had been in a quandary about work. After all, no one really knows how this virus affects anyone. It’s an unknown quantity, especially for anyone with any kind of underlying condition. For anyone told to shield, it must be terrifying. ‘How are you coping? How are you getting food and stuff?’
‘I’m okay. I managed to get a delivery booked for a couple of weeks’ time.’
‘But what are you going to do until then?’ I’m horrified now.
‘I do have nice chocolate cakes that a kind person sent me.’
I laugh. ‘No, seriously, do you have enough? If you ever need anything …’
‘No, I’m fine.’ I don’t believe him at all. I’m getting the sense that he’s the type of independent guy who doesn’t like to ask for help. It would be admitting weakness. He’s been through a lot by the sound