‘Yeah,’ I tell her, smiling because Laura has definitely forgotten this ambition of mine, ‘it’s what I planned before – well before I got in a terrible stress and went off the rails, really.’
‘I’m pleased for you, Jack. I really am. And guess what? As soon as this lockdown is over, Kimi and I are going travelling.’ Kimi is one of the many friends Laura made in Agios Nikolaos.
‘That’s amazing. Where will you go?’ I ask, genuinely interested.
‘Thought we’d start in Ghana and move on round the coast. If travel restrictions allow. If not, we’ll go wherever we are able to. The tents are packed and ready and my kit’s all stocked up. As soon as this mess is over, I’m out of here.’
‘Good for you. You’ll have an amazing time – make sure you make the most of every minute.’
‘I will.’
‘And, Laura?’ I add.
‘Yeah?’
‘Thanks.’
‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘I’m doing it for me too. Stay safe.’
‘And you …’ I start, but she’s gone. Just like that, it’s over. She’s out of my life and I feel … relief, mainly, and a hint of sadness at what we did to each other, what a waste it was. But this is the right thing; I could hear the passion in her voice when she talked of travelling.
And my passion? It’s here with my family and a young woman who lives downstairs who I’ve never met, but I have fallen head over heels in love with nevertheless. I have to tell her, to plan the most amazing virtual date. For the first time in months I feel elated, on top of the world.
Speaking of which, I can hear Sophia on the phone, or maybe talking to Erica, and she sounds pretty excited. I wander out onto the balcony, ready to talk to her when she hangs up, but … ‘Ryan,’ I hear her say, along with something else I can’t catch. Shocked, the wind well and truly taken out of my sails, I sink down onto the lounger on my balcony. Maybe I’ve misheard.
‘I’m glad you’re okay,’ she’s saying. ‘Yes, it’s been a difficult time for everyone. I’ve been busy working though and yeah Jess is fine. She had a lockdown wedding. Yes, I’ll say hi to her for you when we next speak. How’s your mum?’
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Why are they back in touch? And surely this conversation should sound more awkward if they truly haven’t spoken since the break-up? She’s probably just being polite, though. Sophia is like a friendly puppy with everyone she meets – that’s why we all love her. And when I think about it, I can hear a hint of reserve in her voice. She’s not comfortable during this conversation, of course she’s not, and I have to admit that I wouldn’t want anyone listening to my phone calls with Laura, or drawing any conclusions from them. Half the time I don’t know what I’m saying. I stand up to move back inside. I’m eavesdropping for goodness’ sake.
‘You told me it was over. What was I supposed to think?’ she’s saying in an urgent undertone. ‘You couldn’t even bring yourself to mention the word epilepsy. The seizures are under control at the moment but I’m still the same person …’
There’s a pause and I can imagine he’s trying to persuade her at the other end of the phone. ‘I know, this lockdown has made us all reconsider things; it’s given us time to think.’ There’s another silence. ‘Of course I missed some of the things we had together. Yes it would be good to see you when lockdown’s over. It’s been so …’
This is too much for me. I don’t want to hear what she’s about to say. I rush back inside my flat, shutting the balcony doors with a bang on the outside world, firmly closing them on any hopes I may have had that Sophia considers me as anything more than some random guy in the flat upstairs, whom she feels sorry for because he can’t go out.
Chapter 35
Sophia
I press the red button on my phone and throw myself down on the sofa. On second thoughts, I switch it off totally in a useless gesture, as though it’s going to shut Ryan out. Why does he have to do this now? If he’d phoned a few months ago, I would have been so happy, overjoyed to go back to where we were. The wedding, everything could have been back on.