doesn’t even know he’s doing it. It’s as natural to him as breathing is to us. Plus he’s really firm but fair with everyone he comes into contact with. He makes an effort to learn the names of the guys who bring the room service. He doesn’t like tomatoes. He –’
‘I meant in bed.’
‘Oh.’ Despite the three or four glasses of champagne I’ve knocked back and the dizzying effects of the altitude I’m shocked at the intimacy of this question and I recoil, ever so slightly, from my new best friend.
‘Well, that’s erm –’
‘Private,’ says Saadi, suddenly appearing from nowhere.
Gary and I both jump a fraction. He grabs the empty glasses that surround me and disappears behind the blue curtain back into the galley where the other crew members hang out; Saadi clearly scares him too. I have no idea why I persist in being terrified of her – she has never been anything other than professional and polite with me – but I am. The problem is I don’t know how to peg our relationship; it’s quite unlike any other I’ve had before. She’s known Scott far longer than I have. He’s told me she’s saved his ass on dozens of occasions over the years. They are clearly very close; I suppose I’m a little threatened by that. But then Scott has said to me that you can never be true friends with anyone you employ, and in the final analysis, he pays her a wage. He’d do anything for her but she’s not quite a friend. I’m his fiancée. No buts.
I wonder how long she was listening in to my conversation with Gary. I replay it to check I didn’t say anything silly or compromising.
Saadi plonks down in the seat next to mine. We’ve bought all the seats in the First Class cabin to guarantee Scott’s privacy; she can play musical chairs if she wants to.
‘Erm, thanks. I didn’t know how to answer that,’ I admit.
‘No problem.’ She sounds efficient, rather than friendly. But she did get me out of a hole, I’ll give her that. ‘You need media training. I’ll set something up as soon as we touch down. There’s a Rottweiler in LA who will be perfect for the job.’ Saadi whips out her BlackBerry and makes a note. ‘You’d better get used to the prying. You’ll be asked that and worse. The press are going to hound you as soon as your name is released.’
‘And when will that be?’ I ask somewhat nervously.
Saadi checks her watch. ‘About two hours ago.’
‘Oh.’
‘We want the press to be waiting for the plane when we arrive in LAX.’
‘We want them there?’ I don’t get it. We went to such pains to avoid being spotted getting on the plane at Heathrow. Scott and I travelled to the airport separately. Scott wore a fake beard most of the day. We avoided the public like they had the bubonic plague, just in case one of them papped us on a mobile and wanted to make a tenner by sending the shot to the tabloids.
‘Yes. It will be a scrum,’ says Saadi.
‘We want a scrum?’
Saadi sighs as though I’m being slow. ‘Obviously. It’s his biggest story ever, this engagement. If the US media aren’t interested in this, then…’
‘Right.’ Call me shallow but I’m worrying if I’ll look my best emerging from an eleven-hour flight.
As if reading my mind Saadi says, ‘We have Scott’s beautician, Joy Lewis, and his two masseuses, Linda Di Marcello and Natalie Pennant, travelling with us. Have you heard of Linda and Natalie? They work as a team. Their hands are wonders; all the stars use them. Those two will freshen you up. What sort of massage do you prefer? Japanese shiatsu beating? Icelandic birch whipping? Swedish pummelling?’
‘Erm, not bothered.’ Two masseuses at the same time? Oh. My. God. What happens, does one do the left side while the other does the right or is it split top and bottom – so to speak? This is another world.
‘Then Joy will work on your hair and makeup. We want you to look wonderful but at this stage it’s best if you keep comments to a minimum. At least until you do the media training. If I’d known you’d be awake on this flight, I’d have arranged for someone to work with you while we were travelling.’ She looks frustrated that she’s wasted eleven hours. I get the feeling Saadi is not a time-waster. ‘So just smile, wave and – if pushed