for ten consecutive hours. We all agreed it was a great Hollywood moment and Colleen opened the champagne,’ says Fern with a full-on laugh.
Ben puts his hand on Fern’s shoulders and starts to lead her out of the door. ‘Speaking of Colleen, we’re supposed to be meeting her right about now and Mark sent us to find you, Scott. He wants you to come too.’
Mark has an A-list quota he’s keen to meet and is fanatically monitoring the replies as they come in.
‘But you can’t see the dress designs,’ says Fern, looking concerned. ‘It’s unlucky.’
‘It’s unlucky for the groom to see the bride in the actual dress,’ I correct.
‘Just stay by the door,’ insists Ben.
53. Fern
Jenny Packham is designing my dress. It was almost impossible to choose who should, as Vera Wang and Amanda Wakeley also showed me their sketches. My dilemma was that all the designs were heart-bleedingly beautiful. Saadi’s dilemma was which designer would cause the biggest sensation. In the end we plumped for Jenny because when one of Saadi’s assistants did the initial scouting to each designer’s studio she noticed that Jenny had Scott’s official calendar hanging in her office. Mark loved that and fed the story as a titbit to the gossip columns.
Ben, Colleen, Saadi and I sit at the dining-room table looking at sketches of my wedding dress while Joy and a couple of pretty, nameless assistants mill around. The sketches are breathtaking. Jenny specializes in luxurious bias-cut dresses with delicate, intricate beading. Her creations are drenched with a dazzling glamour and beauty that harks back to gentler, more romantic days; they are elegant and feminine. I absolutely can’t wait for my first fitting.
Mark drifts over to where we are sitting; I wondered how long he’d be able to resist interfering. He picks up a sketch of the dress.
‘Don’t go too flouncy, she needs to be rock chic,’ he says to Colleen.
Hello! I’m here! I can’t get used to people talking over my head, as though I’m not even in the room; they do it to Scott all the time. When they do it to me I always want to wave a big red flag or throw a big red strop.
Mark goes on. ‘Don’t over-style. Loose hair. Almost dirty-looking. Was it Sting’s Trudy who arrived at the church on a horse or was that Paula Yates? That’s what we need. Something different and eye-catching.’
Ben, Colleen, the entourage and I all glare at Mark in unison. He takes a hint and goes to sit down with Scott. The rest of us turn back to the matter in hand.
‘Mark’s right about one thing. We do need a unifying USP,’ says Colleen.
‘A what?’ I ask.
‘A unique selling point,’ clarifies Ben.
‘For my wedding?’
‘If not then, when?’ says Saadi, rolling her eyes.
‘French boudoir? Wide skirts, bosoms on show, garters,’ suggests Joy.
‘Oriental? Fern could arrive on a dragon,’ says Saadi’s first assistant.
‘I don’t think there are any dragons left,’ sneers Saadi’s second assistant (clearly on the look-out for a promotion).
‘What, not even in China? We could ship in.’
‘Silver ice,’ offers someone else. ‘We’d need snow machines and ice sculptures. Fern could arrive in a sleigh pulled by huskies.’
‘Flowers,’ I say firmly. My voice slices through the madness.
‘That’s your theme?’ asks Joy, raising a perfectly arched (threaded rather than plucked) eyebrow.
‘Yes, flowers and romance. I want beads and flowers, and glitter and flowers, and satin and flowers,’ I gush. ‘Mostly just lots of flowers. Romantic flowers.’
There’s a silence. After a while Colleen says, ‘Don’t you think romance has been done to death at weddings?’
I ignore her and continue to describe my vision. ‘I want inches of petals for the guests to stride through and the smell of flowers floating through the air for miles around.’
‘Or maybe fur but I’m not talking white fur, I’m thinking leopard skin,’ says another complete stranger. I glare at her.
‘And flowers threaded through my hair.’
‘I’m not suggesting real leopard skin. The animal rights activists would be all over us, mobbing the reception. I just meant –’
‘Give the lady her flowers,’ Scott shouts from the corner of the room where we banished him.
There’s a hiatus in the conversation. We’d almost forgotten he was there; a rare occurrence but his imperial power has now been reinstated.
‘Fine,’ says Colleen with a heavy sigh. ‘I suppose we can do something with flowers.’
Then there’s complete silence. I turn to him and send out a look of pure, undiluted love and mouth, ‘Thank