I just did it to fill in a conversational gap. I think Jess is as surprised as I am.
‘You said you’d call him.’
To say what? ‘I’ve been meaning to but things have been so hectic, you know.’
‘Well, you can talk to him now, if you like.’
‘He’s with you?’ I’d deliberately called Jess on her mobile and not at the flat to avoid this happening. What are they doing in the supermarket together?
‘He’s in the tinned food section, I’m in the pasta aisle. We take it in turns to cook for one another now and so it makes sense to shop together. It makes a dreary job more fun.’
Very cosy. ‘You take turns to cook for each other?’
‘Adam wasn’t eating. He needed looking after.’ She then whispers, ‘He’s been really floored by you leaving like this, Fern. You really should talk to him.’
‘OK, OK, put him on.’ I know I have to face him eventually. I was just hoping that eventually meant on my deathbed.
I imagine Jess hunting Adam down among the baked beans or tinned sweetcorn. If she can’t find him there, he’s probably drifted over to the DVD and CD section. On the few occasions we did shop together he’d invariably drift that way and then linger while I filled the trolley, queued at the checkout, paid and packed the groceries. He was never much help shopping, although he did carry the heavy bags to the car. My God, supermarket shopping belongs to a different world. I can barely remember the pain. Scott and I have been grocery shopping but just the once, and it was a completely different experience because really we went to Ralph’s Store to star-spot and be seen rather than to actually buy stuff to eat. At Ralph’s we pointed to things we might like to try, someone else picked them up, packed them and carried them to the car – I don’t even know who, I can’t remember. We have a nutritionist and a chef, so food seems to appear magically on my plate nowadays.
After a moment Adam comes on to the phone.
‘Fern,’ he says gruffly and formally.
The formality, although probably appropriate, is strange and uncomfortable. My mouth feels dry; I could do with a drink. A large G&T might help. ‘How are you, Adam?’ I ask, stepping into the boxing ring.
‘Great.’
Not what I’ve heard, but what can I say? I try to sound bright and casual to counter his dark and serious tone. ‘So you’re cooking dinner for Jess tonight.’
‘So you are marrying Scottie Taylor next month.’
Whack. Blow straight between the eyes. ‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘You have no right to imply that I shouldn’t be cooking for Jess.’
‘I wasn’t implying that.’ Was I? No, I wasn’t because it doesn’t mean anything that they are shopping and cooking together. They’re just buddies, and besides even if it did mean something, it’s none of my business.
‘It doesn’t mean anything that we are shopping and cooking together. We’re just buddies, and besides even if it did mean something it’s none of your business,’ says Adam. When did he develop the ability to read my mind?
‘I know that, I’m just trying to be polite to take an interest in what you are doing with your free time.’
‘The implication being that I’ve had plenty of that recently,’ he says sarcastically.
‘Adam, don’t,’ I plead quietly.
He cuts straight to the chase. ‘You shouldn’t marry him, Fern. He’s a mistake.’
Ah, round two already, I didn’t even hear the bell. I take a deep breath and try for a measured reaction; I must not let Adam rile me.
‘You’re wrong, Adam. He’s the biggest thing that ever happened to me.’
‘Yeah, the biggest mistake you’ll ever make. I worked with him. I know what he’s like.’
‘You worked with him for a few days, you don’t know him.’
‘He has a reputation. He’s an addict. He’s a man trampled by regret and torn with choices. He’s angry and unreliable. You should keep away from him.’
This is why I didn’t want to ring Adam. Of course he’s not completely incorrect. I’d be a fool to try to pretend to Adam that I think a relationship with Scott is going to be all plain sailing; it would be easier fooling myself. Scott does have some problems, he’s the first to admit it, but we love each other and that will be enough to get us through anything, won’t it? Yes it will. I’m shocked that a flicker of doubt entered my mind even for a split second.