her ass off to become someone he could never be. And he understood why she stuck around. Maybe she liked him a little as a person, and she was one of the few people he trusted with his vulnerable spots and existential crises. Maybe it wasn’t much, and it most certainly wasn’t forever, but it was something, and he needed her right then.
Lorenzo turned his head to stare at her with a soft smile. Gabby had fallen asleep after his tongue had given her three screaming orgasms. After she was out, he crept into the bathroom and got himself off, then curled back up around her in bed to stare at the wall until the sky started to lighten along the horizon.
Lorenzo reached down and brushed a stray curl behind her ear. “I haven’t slept.”
“Jesus.” She pushed up on her elbow and narrowed her eyes at his alarm clock. “Does that say five? Like AM?”
He shrugged. “I’ve stayed awake longer, babe.”
“You’re going to die. You’re too old for that shit.” She flopped back down and buried her face in his pillow. “What’s wrong?”
And he knew she was no stranger to his occasional, who the fuck am I, freak outs. She’d suffered all his late-night calls and 2 am runs to the Taco Stand for the thirty-eight-cent chicken soft tacos that always, always gave him food poisoning. But usually, somewhere between worshipping the porcelain throne on his knees and chugging down a gallon of room temperature Gatorade, he found himself again.
This time, after Rocco brought home Simon, it felt more profound.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Gabby let out a small chuckle and turned her face toward him. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“Yes.” He leaned over and kissed her full, plush mouth, not caring much that she tasted like he imagined a dead raccoon might after binging on a Joe’s Crab Shack dumpster. “But it doesn’t matter, because you’re going to forget all about me. You’re going to be an amazing attorney. You’re going to make waves, and get rich, and I’ll just be the guy somewhere in his sorry little condo saying, I knew her when.”
“It took your brother like seventeen years to have even half that,” she reminded him—and he hadn’t forgotten.
He even missed when things were simpler—when he was some kid at UCSD on too many loans and too few grants. But he’d liked living in the dorms and eating stale ramen straight from the pack. He missed when his friends were genuine, when he had nothing to offer anyone except himself and maybe a little bit of stale weed and old pizza when he was assistant manager of the little shop near campus. Once upon a time, he was just a guy who didn’t have much. Once upon a time, he had nothing for people to use.
“I have to get the fuck out of here,” he told her as he unwrapped her from his embrace. “I need to…I need to get away for a while.”
Gabby laughed quietly. “Well, I saw that coming.” She kicked her feet until the sheets slipped from her body, and he was momentarily distracted by the curve of her hips. He liked those quiet, unsuspecting parts of her body that no one ever paid any mind to. Like the top rib near her under arms, like the spot just below her belly button, like the backs of her knees, and the dimple below her ankle. She stretched her arms wide, and he ran the tip of his first finger between her naked breasts. “It was only a matter of time. You can never let Rocco one-up you.”
“I—” he started, flustered. “This isn’t about him.” He rubbed a hand down his face and forced himself to acknowledge the truth of how he was feeling—without his usual mask of arrogance, without his usual dismissal of anything real. “Gabby, I’m miserable.”
“You’ve been miserable your entire life, babe.” The honesty of her words was sharp and stabbing, but he deserved it. Sitting up, she grabbed him by the hair, kissing him slow and soft. “What’s different about it this time?”
He didn’t really have an answer. It was impossible to put words to the red-hot, searing fire in his belly. It was small now, just a single, flickering flame deep inside him, but he knew it was only a matter of time before it erupted into a wildfire, consuming every inch of him. He needed to get away