Love Him Free (On the Market #1) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,43

clean slate with Collin. “Uh. No, not…he’s.” Simon stopped and cleared his throat. “Is there somewhere to sit?”

Collin’s face grew more concerned, but he reached down and flipped the latch on the paddock before beckoning him inside. They made their way to the barn before Collin froze and narrowed his eyes at Simon. “You’re not allergic are you? To cats or goat or duck?”

Simon laughed until he realized Collin was serious. “No. No allergies.”

“You sure? We had a bit of an issue few weeks back with Spencer’s mate—got carted off to hospital and I’m not looking for a repeat.”

Simon reached out and squeezed Collin’s shoulder. “Just grass and pollen like the rest of the world, I promise.”

Collin seemed a bit dubious at first, but eventually swung the barn door open and led the way inside. It smelled of animal and hay, and though it was probably offensive to some, Simon found it oddly comforting. It was warm in there, and a bit humid, and there were benches along the wall which Collin dragged out.

The goats were happy to bounce around their feet, but after a few pets, they got bored of Simon and hurried off as the pair took seats. “It’s nice in here.”

Collin gave him a look. “Why do I feel like you didn’t come to talk about the interior décor of a goat barn?”

Simon laughed, but it was strained. “My bakery is going to close.”

Collin blinked in surprise, then sat back. “On purpose?”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Simon fought back a fresh wave of grief and anxiety as he shook his head. “Not…really? It’s been hemorrhaging money for…years, really. I was making ends meet—mostly—when I first took over, but each year just got worse. When Levi got the contract with the Lodge, it helped a little, but we’re not breaking even anymore.”

Collin’s brow dipped into a deep frown. “How’d he get that food truck then, eh?”

“I bought it for him,” Simon said quietly. “I took out a loan. It covered all of what we owed to vendors and taxes, and it let me hire Kyle for a bit. But…it’s not…I don’t have enough for my first payment.”

Collin swallowed. “Mate, I can lend you money. If you need…”

“No,” Simon said, a little harsh, though he didn’t mean to. Dragging a hand down his face, he took a breath. “No, I mean, that’s not going to help. One month, two months—even six. It’s not going to matter. I can’t keep this up. It was on the verge of failing when Bubbe got sick, and I didn’t have the skill to resuscitate it. This was just…borrowed time.”

Collin looked down at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

With a shrug, Simon leaned forward over his thighs and steeled himself for the rest. “Rocco had an idea. It’s…I don’t want to give you details. But it could work. Not to save the bakery, but to pay off the loan. It’ll be enough that I can walk away and not worry.”

“Is it illegal?” Collin pressed.

Simon laughed and rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling. “No. It’s not illegal, but it does…maybe cross some lines that I’m not sure I’m ready to cross.”

“Is it a religious thing?” Collin asked.

At that, Simon’s lip curled up in a half-smile. “No. I mean, maybe? In all honesty, Judaism is so diverse, it’s impossible to say yes or no. It’s not the same as other faiths.”

“I get that,” Collin said with a smile.

“Mine’s more personal.” Simon paused. “It’s something I’ve been avoiding for years, and Rocco makes me want to branch out and…I don’t know, find freedom? Not be so damn strict with myself?”

“Is it because of him, or because it’s something you want for you?” Collin asked.

Simon loved that about his friend—loved that he’d find the nuance in what Simon was struggling with. “Both? I want it for both reasons. I’m lonely.”

Collin made a soft noise and shifted a little closer. “You have people who love you, you know.”

“I do,” Simon admitted softly. “I do know that. I’m starting to accept it, and I’m trying.”

Collin set a hand on his shoulder. “I know.”

Simon remained silent a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m scared if I abandon everything I know, more things will fall apart. I’m scared Levi will get hurt or…” He swallowed past a lump in his throat. “He’s all I’ve got left.”

“Simon…”

“I know it’s irrational. I knew years ago when I was practically on my knees begging Hashem to keep Levi safe that it was irrational.