Love Him Free (On the Market #1) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,1

first time a man put hands on him, he’d combust. Closing his eyes, he conjured the vision of the one man he’d never stopped wanting.

Simon had seen the adult film actor in person twice. He was told by the enthusiastic recruiter during his tour of UCLA that there would be celebrities on campus—but he had assumed Hollywood stars, not viral porn stars.

He was a couple years older than Simon with a full head of rich black hair and long fingers Simon couldn’t stop staring at. It was Simon’s first semester, and watching the stranger sit in the back of the café and twist his fingers into the language he spoke changed the course of Simon’s life.

He signed up for ASL as his language in hopes of running into the stranger—but he hadn’t seen him again until his roommate left his computer open with a video titled, Deaf Daddy Bear, Sylent, Tops Twink. His back was to the camera, but Simon recognized him instantly, and he fell under the crashing waves of Sylent.

He subscribed to all of Sylent’s channels and watched live feeds. He never commented, but he kept up on his ASL… just in case. Not that his life was charmed. Not that the universe was ever kind to Simon Kadish.

But sometimes, Shabbat nights like this when he was in the dark and Levi was furious, and he hurt deep in places he could never reach, he let the fantasy of Sylent comfort him. ‘Take off your jeans,’ he’d sign with those long fingers of his. His full lips would be curled into a smile, predatory and starving for Simon’s body.

Simon wouldn’t be able to help himself from obeying. His hands would strip himself down, and he’d stand there bare and terrified. Sylent would look at him, turn him from side to side, rumble his pleasure deep in his chest.

Then? Then he’d kiss him. He’d give Simon his very first kiss—powerful, intense, all-encompassing. Sylent would kiss Simon until he couldn’t breathe, until he couldn’t think. His hands would wander, touching Simon in all those places he was desperate to feel someone else’s fingers. He’d stroke his cock, and cup his balls, and press deep inside him.

Simon groaned, the sound of it startling him out of the fantasy just for a moment. He stilled, fingers clutched in the sheets, but he was still alone. Licking his lips, he fought the urge to touch himself, and his mind wandered back to into his imagination.

Sylent was there again, pressing him to the wall, lifting one leg so he could slide into Simon’s waiting hole—molten hot and rock hard and bare. Sylent would fuck him so hard, his body would slam into the plaster. He’d cry, and he’d beg, but Sylent wouldn’t touch him until he was so far gone, he was wild and insane.

Then, a warm, huge hand would wrap around him and stroke him.

That’s all it ever took for Simon to come—just that thought, that scene in his head. He hadn’t watched it on a porn, and maybe that’s what made it special. He’d watched Sylent enough to know what he’d look like, what he’d sound like—maybe even what he’d feel like, then he created something just for himself so powerful he could come all over his stomach without lifting a hand to touch himself.

He’d let it dry there, too, just in case. He was never brave enough to ask his Rabbi if cleaning spunk from his chest-hair was considered work on the Shabbat. Instead, he kept it as a reminder of what he’d never have—what he’d given up. Because love wasn’t part of his sacrifice to Elohim, but his life was, and there was no room for anyone else if he was too busy trying to keep his brother safe and keep the last of Bubbe alive with her struggling bakery.

He breathed out and turned onto his side, wrapping the blankets around him. He hoped Levi was being careful, was at least out there being loved the way he deserved. He knew his brother hated him—and he knew he could change that with the truth, but it was so much more painful than the fantasy Levi lived with. So, he carried that burden with the rest, and hoped that one day his brother would understand.

Chapter One

The thirty-six-year-old virginity thing was an accident. Simon Kadish hadn’t planned on reaching his twenties without having an orgasm at the hands of another person. He certainly didn’t plan on making it to his mid-thirties in