Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,62

own reasons, but it would have been one of us. Eventually.”

Rian said nothing as their appetizer was swapped out for their entrée. Raphael had barely touched the first course, and the second course of Branzino and roasted vegetables was just as gorgeous and just as unappealing. He cut into the center with his fork, parting the skin and staring at the pale opaque in the center. It would be delicious, but the knot in his stomach wouldn’t let him do more than nibble a bite.

“Is it terrible?”

“Even if it were, I wouldn’t say. The walls have ears,” Raphael warned and let himself smile. “But I’m nervous, and I’m unsure about the date, and I’m not hungry.”

“You should have said. We could have done anything else. I know a great place for stargazing…”

“No,” Raphael snapped, reacting to the hot, protective coil in his gut that wrapped around the few things he shared with Dmitri. He breathed, and softened, then gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry. No, this was fine. This was appropriate.”

Rian set his fork down and leaned his elbow on the table, mirroring Raphael’s former pose. “Does it look like I give a shit about appropriate? I asked my student to play middle man and get me a date with a man who, it turns out, I might be interested in because he’s disabled like my ex. Clearly, I’m not a five-star dining kind of guy.”

At that, Raphael laughed—he didn’t have a choice. It was oddly sweet and completely absurd, and he hated so much that he kind of liked Rian just like he had at lunch. He could like him more, too, if he let himself. But he knew the fear was holding him back because if he let Dmitri go even this much, it might all fall apart entirely.

“We should have this boxed up,” Raphael said. “I don’t think we should go stargazing, but there’s a very good restaurant by the lake with amazing desserts. I think if we ask nicely, we could get ourselves a table on the deck.”

Rian’s entire face brightened, and Raphael wasn’t sure how that made him feel, because he wasn’t sure this meant anything at all. “Let’s do it.”

And though a small voice told him not to, Raphael nodded and signaled the server to pay the bill.

“Okay, this was a good idea,” Rian said, his cheeks puffed with the sufganiya, a smudge of powdered sugar on the corner of his lip. “I feel like an ass though.” He eyed the bowl of fresh berries in front of Raphael, then let out a sigh. “Is there anything you can have?”

The corner of Raphael’s mouth lifted. “My friend Wilder makes these flourless cakes for me sometimes, but I’ve been eating this way since I was little. It…I have epilepsy,” he said, not meeting Rian’s eyes, because he didn’t want to see more pity than was already there. “It helps.”

“Do you have a lot of seizures?”

Raphael started to shake his head, but his reality—at least the present one—was a little different. “Sometimes. I’m on a new medication right now, and it’s been working well. And I’m okay with my limitations,” he said. It was a half-lie. He was okay when he didn’t have to explain himself.

He glanced up to see Rian taking another bite, the jam in the center spilling out, but he was unashamed. They were up on the roof, near the fire pit, which helped brace them against the cold breeze coming off the lake. It was going to be October soon, and the first scent snow on the wind was already sharp and promising.

Things already felt off-kilter and upside down, and he wished desperately for the power to see ahead and tell him what the state of his heart would be in the coming months.

“I see why you like it here,” Rian said after another beat of silence. He tugged his jacket around him a little tighter after a surge of wind, and then it died down and the heat from the fire settled back in. “How long as this place been around?”

“This restaurant or Cherry Creek?”

Rian chuckled. “This whole set up by the lake. It looks new.”

“It is. It was going to be developed into condos or something, then the brothers who own the Lodge took it over. Two of them took it over,” he amended. “They wanted something good for Cherry Creek, something that wouldn’t ruin it.”

“I can see that,” Rian said quietly. He picked up his napkin, clearing his face,