Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,50

took him to lunch—or whatever. But they don’t seem…intimate.”

Raphael’s jaw tightened. “Sicher.” He was unable to stop a hint of sarcasm from his voice, but Lorenzo didn’t seem bothered by it.

“You know Dmitri can take care of himself.” Lorenzo pressed. “He’s sweet, but if he needs help, he’ll ask for it.”

Raphael had to remind himself that Dmitri was not innocent. He was reserved, and he was quiet, and that fooled a lot of people into thinking he was naïve. It fooled a lot of people into thinking he had not lived as much life as he had. “I’m being stupid.”

“You’re being sweet, but maybe don’t use your mind to set that guy on fire, yeah? He’s probably nice, and Dmitri really wants to do well in school.”

Raphael deflated, and he felt like an ass. “I care about him.”

“I know. We all know,” Lorenzo said with a quiet sigh, and Raphael was determined not to read too much into that statement as he followed his friend inside.

He liked the man, Himmel hilf ihm. Rian was charming and sweet, he was well traveled, and he was funny. And he paid very little attention to Dmitri, who sat to his right with his face tipped toward his plate, wearing a small smile.

Raphael had gone in hoping to give the man a chance as a good professor, but he was wary and refusing to trust a person in a position of power like that. And it wasn’t entirely because Dmitri looked at him with a soft expression on his face, but…it was partly that.

Rian had thrown him off, though. He was attentive to Raphael and engaging. And he was funny. Raphael didn’t want to drop his guard, but it felt damn near impossible under the gaze of his soft blue eyes.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have to teach in the closet?” Dmitri asked, halfway into their dessert. It was cannoli, and Raphael was avoiding everything but his salad because he would be damned if he fucked up his diet now.

He didn’t mind so much, not when the sight of the filled sweets made Dmitri smile, even if it was directed at the man sitting next to him instead of at Raphael.

“I don’t need to wonder. I know,” Rian said. He pulled his fork through some of the cannoli cream, but he didn’t eat any. “I was in the closet until pretty recently. Even when laws changed and public opinion softened, that small town part of me never really let go. I think that’s why it took me so long to really know for sure I was gay.”

Raphael understood what that was like—in a different way, but he knew that ache. “I was eighteen when I came out as bisexual. I was with a woman, so my mother said it was probably a phase, and I let her convince herself it was. It was easier than the fight. I knew years before that though. I was maybe twelve or thirteen, and some of the boys in my class were so…beautiful.”

Lorenzo laughed softly and shook his head. “Yeah. Same.”

“My gay awakening,” Rian said, smiling at him over his over-sized glass of ice water, and Raphael felt a single thump of his heart, “was Liza. I’m the absolute stereotype. My uncle took me to a film festival to see a recording of her singing ‘Maybe This Time,’ and I just…”

“Knew?” Raphael asked. It wasn’t like that for him, but he still understood what Rian was saying. That one, singular moment when something outside of himself made something inside make sense. The one thing that sparked a flame that would never go out. It continued to burn, a careful, low, flicker in his gut that reminded him he wasn’t the same as everyone else.

“It was the first time music ever made me break down, but it was more than just her voice. It was that raw ache in those words and it made me want to reach for something I wasn’t sure I could have.” Rian sat back and breathed out slowly. “I think my uncle knew—I think that’s why he took me that night. He never did tell my mother.”

“Does she know now?” Dmitri asked. It was the first time he’d spoken during the meal, and Raphael felt a sudden stab of guilt, like he was betraying his dedication and love by having the gall to look at another man.

Rian licked his lips, then shook his head. “She died before I could