Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,104

even before, I wasn’t always horny.”

Dmitri snorted and blushed, but accepted Raphael’s soothing kiss. “I just don’t want you to hold back.”

“I won’t,” Raphael had promised, cupping his face. “For now, though, this is enough. It’s all I want.” And Dmitri believed him, more than he had ever believed anyone.

It was what gave him the strength to face down Rian that morning—an hour before his first exam—with a cup of coffee clutched between his hands and the long hallway to the teacher’s offices ahead. Raphael had given him a kiss for luck, and Dmitri let himself feel the echo of his lips before he took a breath and then forced one foot in front of the other.

He had started to consider Rian more than just a professor before things got serious with Raphael—and he knew that it was mostly his fault for pulling away. Raphael insisted they hadn’t been in love, that no one’s heart had been at risk, but Dmitri had never been on this side of things before and honestly, he couldn’t imagine anyone not being in love with Raphael.

His knuckles were still cold enough that knocking on Rian’s office made them ache, and his heart beat wildly against his chest when the door cracked open, and Rian looked at him like he was seeing a ghost.

“Mr. Williams. I wasn’t expecting you.”

Dmitri flinched at hearing his last name, like he was ordinary. Like he was a stranger. He cleared his throat. “I’m bothering you. Sorry. I’ll just…” He turned to go, but a tentative hand dropped on his shoulder for only a second, and he stopped.

“Dmitri.”

He closed his eyes a long moment, then turned. “I just, um. I wanted to talk really quick.”

“You should come inside.” Rian stepped back in, holding the door wide, and when Dmitri was through, he shut it and locked it. “I don’t want anyone barging in, and people have been trying to convince me to cancel class all morning.”

Dmitri tried for a smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “Well, I can’t really blame them. Even though I missed so much.”

“I didn’t impart any secret wisdom to anyone while you were gone, I promise. You’re going to be fine,” Rian told him, sinking into his chair. He was dressed sweetly, like always, in his fitted sweater and jeans. He rested his forearms over his thighs and leaned forward. “What’s on your mind?”

“An apology,” Dmitri said. He saw the way Rian looked wary, and he cleared his throat again. “I should have showed up last week. I was being a coward because I’ve never…this is new for me.”

“I had a feeling,” Rian said gently. “I was just worried about you.”

Dmitri nodded. “Last week was rough. I guess Kyle left town, which is fine, but um…everyone was talking about it, and I didn’t know what to say.”

“You don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially regarding that,” Rian said fiercely.

Dmitri looked at him a long moment. “You know from experience, don’t you?”

Rian swallowed thickly. “Yes, I know. Not in the same way, but I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so…I’m angry, because everyone deserves better than that. If you need anything…”

“I’m good,” Dmitri said softly, and this time his smile felt real.

Rian sat back and breathed out a slow sigh. “You have Raphael. Which is good. I’m happy for you.”

Dmitri laughed. “Yeah, but that’s not what I meant. Um. So, I went through some shit when I was a kid, and CPS gave me to my uncle after my dad…” He stopped, not wanting to relive those old memories that mattered so little to him now. “Anyway, my therapist helped me with my anger issues, and I still talk to her from time to time. She let me come in for a few sessions after this whole thing, and it helped.”

Rian stared at him, then let out a small, breathy laugh. “This isn’t the first time I’ve underestimated you, and I feel bad that I keep doing it.”

“Most people do,” Dmitri admitted.

Rian sobered. “I know, and some day they’re going to feast on crow. For now, I promise to do my best not to keep it up. Is there anything I can do?”

Dmitri shook his head. “No. I just wanted to say that um…that when I helped you with Raphael, I wasn’t lying, or trying to undermine what you two had. I loved him, but I wanted him to be happy. I’m selfish—a little—so I’m glad it’s me,” Dmitri paused as Rian laughed, “but I would