murmured. His fingers came to her cheek and soothed it, smoothing back her damp hair. His hand slid down to her waist and caressed it gently, while he whispered to her, tender little encouragements to relax, to lie still, to be quiet.
By the time she stopped shaking and could feel his taut body relaxing and losing its frightening hardness, her face was drenched in tears.
He rolled beside her then, still holding her, and onto his back. He pillowed her head on his shoulder, his arms betraying a fine tremor, while he stared blankly up at the sky, where seagulls dived and called to each other against the gray clouds.
“I have to leave,” he said after a minute, his voice harsh. “We can’t go on like this any longer.”
She knew that instinctively. He’d gone almost too far to stop, and so had she. She wasn’t thinking anymore. Her body had a will of its own, too strong to fight. She closed her eyes and felt that she’d die if she couldn’t have him just once.
“I know,” she whispered. She sat up, her breasts swollen and slightly red from the pressure of his lips.
“Oh, baby,” he breathed, looking as she covered them, his eyes blazing. “I could look at you forever.”
“Don’t.” She closed her eyes, and he sat up, too, fastening the straps for her with hands that were a little unsteady.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately,” he confessed, forcing her to look at him. “I want you to the point of madness. You, Elissa. Not Bess.” He looked down at her shoulders, delighting in their creamy perfection. “I don’t understand why I feel this way, but if I don’t have you, I think I’ll die.”
She understood that, because she felt the same way. “I want you just as much,” she said quietly. “But afterward, I’ll hate you,” she added, looking up at him. “All those years of conditioning don’t just vanish. I’ll hate you, and myself, and I don’t know how I’ll live with it. But,” she confessed shyly, looking at his chest, “I don’t know how I’ll live without it.”
He got to his feet, pulling her up with him. His face was serious now, intent. “Come back to Oklahoma with me.”
She moved restlessly, frightened of what they were discussing.
“Come with me,” he repeated gently. He tilted her eyes up to his. “I promise I won’t make you pregnant. I can’t stop what’s going to happen, but I’ll make sure you’re protected.”
“No, I...I’ll do that,” she faltered. She looked toward the sea. “But how will we explain to my parents that I’m going back with you?”
He sighed wearily and touched her hair. “If it’s any consolation, it bothers me, too.” His fingers trailed down her cheek to her mouth, and he stared at it until her lips parted. “We’ll tell them we may be getting engaged, and you’re to stay with my family.”
She looked up at him with stunned delight in her eyes, and the sight of it made him suddenly possessive. He jerked her against him.
“The hell with it—let’s get married,” he said suddenly. “I can’t have Bess, and I’ve got to have you. Let’s do it by the book.”
She almost screamed “Yes!” at him, but she held back, sobered by the certainty that Bess would surely find some way to get to him eventually. It wouldn’t do for Elissa to marry him and create even more problems. No matter how much it hurt, she was going to have to sink her pride and principles and give him the physical ease they both ached for. She loved him. If she had nothing else, she could have this. She could belong to him for a few ecstatic days, and then she would have to pay the piper. Somehow she’d survive the future. She and her memories of him.
“I won’t marry you,” she whispered gently. “But I’ll go with you.”
He frowned. “I don’t mind—”
She put her fingers against his mouth. “You would, someday. Marriage should be a total commitment, a sacred thing, not just a legalization of desire. I hate what I feel for you, I hate what I’m going to do, but I think we’d regret marriage a lot more.”
“It would ease your conscience afterward,” he said tersely.
“And destroy yours,” she countered. “Bess may...may be free someday. How would you feel if you were tied to me by then?”
His grimace gave her the answer. “It isn’t fair, asking this of you.”
“Life isn’t fair sometimes,” she said with a sigh,