in going to a bar alone. Who knew, maybe I’d meet some uber-sexy guy who wanted nothing more than to distract me from my hideous situation with wild and crazy sex. Not that I’d necessarily give it up on the first date, mind you. Well, unless he was uber, UBER sexy, that was.
Since I didn’t have to consult with others on bar choices that evening, I chose to hit my favorite: Moondoggies, a real chill bar just a block from the beach. It had great drinks, a large outdoor patio area with a fireplace and drew a fun, non-stuck-up crowd. Plus it was within walking distance of my apartment so I could crawl home without worrying about a DUI.
I arrived, showed my ID to the doorman, and took a seat by the sidewalk (to people-watch), and ordered one of Moondoggies’ special K9 Kosmos—a cosmopolitan made with Absolut Mandarin.
Unfortunately, after only a few sips, instead of feeling liberated, I got the damn alcohol blues. What was I doing, sitting at a bar all by myself? Why wasn’t I home comforting my sister? Looking for my mother? My family had fallen apart that evening and what did I choose to do? Go to a bar.
I was a loser. A total loser. Probably an alcoholic, too. I’d soon be hiding vodka in the bathroom. Not that I had anyone to hide it from. I could drink it with my morning Cocoa Puffs and no one would know. In fact, if I died in my apartment from a bad vodka/Cocoa Puffs overdose, no one would come looking for me for at least three days. Until the smell started getting really bad. After all, it was blatantly obvious my family was too busy messing up their own lives to care about mine.
Why did my father decide to leave my mother? At what point did the marriage fall apart? Was it in any way my fault? Did I say or do something to convince him that my mother wasn’t worth staying with? I know there had been times when my mom had said something idiotic and I’d rolled my eyes to my dad. Did I diminish her worth in his eyes and make him go elsewhere? Find someone smarter? Cooler? Oh, this was probably all my fault. I’d broken up my entire family with my callous eye rolling.
Yup. Here came the tears. Perfect. I could feel several people staring at me as I swiped at my eyes. Of course. Why wouldn’t they stare? I was a loser sitting in a packed bar, by myself, drinking a Cosmo (sorry, Kosmo) and crying my eyes out.
Loser with a capital “L,” that was me. “Are you okay, Maddy?”
Oh no, I’d been spotted by someone who knew me! How embarrassing. I looked up to see who had discovered me in my less than desirable, probably raccoon-eyed state.
It was Jamie. What was he doing here?
“Oh. Hi,” I said, grabbing a napkin and blotting my eyes. “Yes, I’m fine. Bad allergies this time a year.”
Man, I was such a terrible liar. I wondered if it was something you could take classes for at the Learning Annex. They had everything else under the sun—why not Lying 101?
“Can I sit down?”
“Um, sure.” Man, he probably thought I was the biggest dork on the planet. First there was that whole price tag on the skirt thing earlier. I was pretty positive he didn’t buy the idea that it was cool to leave price tags on. Now he’d found me sitting at a bar by myself, crying into my drink. Great.
He took the chair across from me and propped his elbows on the table. He looked good. He’d added a well-worn leather jacket over the black T-shirt he had on earlier. It gave him a slightly rebellious look. Just bad boy enough to look cool, but not skanky.
“I was riding by on my motorcycle, on my way to check out the beach, and I saw you sitting here. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Why yes, I’m fine. Like I said, allergies …
Oh, what the hell.
“Not exactly,” I blurted, against my better judgment. I barely knew this guy, but suddenly I couldn’t help the flow of words spewing from my lips. Alcohol did that to me. Jodi even had a nickname for me in this state—Loose Lips Lola.
And so I spilled the whole sordid tale to a guy I barely knew. To his credit, Jamie listened to the whole 411 on my family situation without interrupting once.