Love at 11 - By Mari Mancusi Page 0,107

big empty hole in it, and it was slowly sucking the joy away. “I love him so much.”

“And do you believe he loves you?”

I thought about it for a moment then nodded. No matter what happened physically between him and Jen on that last night they were together, I was sure of his feelings for me. “Yes.”

My mom shrugged. “Then to me it seems pretty obvious what you should do.”

And suddenly it seemed pretty obvious to me, too. “I’ve got to go, Mom,” I said, rising to my feet. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She smiled. “Good luck, sweetie. Good luck!”

*

I broke every speed limit in San Diego driving to Jamie’s apartment. When I got there, I couldn’t find a parking spot and ended up double parking. I ran to the door and rang the bell, praying he’d be there. Praying he wasn’t too mad at my ongoing stupidity and would listen to what I had to say.

“Maddy?”

The door opened and suddenly Jamie stood before me, dressed in low-slung dark blue jeans and tight white t-shirt. His beautiful green eyes looked hollow, circled in dark black, and it appeared he hadn’t shaven in days. It gave him a rough, almost dangerous and unbearable sexy look that warmed something low in my belly.

“Jamie,” I said. Now that I was here, I didn’t know what to say.

“You haven’t returned my calls,” he said. The comment was matter of fact. Not judgmental. But I felt more than a squirm of guilt anyway.

“I’ve been … busy.” How lame did that sound? How untrue. But what was I supposed to say?

“I’ve heard. Thank God your sister’s okay.” He shifted from foot to foot. “And I guess congratulations are in order, huh? On your new job.”

“Thanks,” I said, wondering who’d told him. Wondering what he thought about it. “How’s the baby?” I asked.

He winced a little. “Jen and I went to the doctor today. They claim everything’s in order.”

“That’s … good,” I managed to say, feeling sick to my stomach all over again. As much as I loved him, it was still going to take some time to get used to the idea of him becoming, a dad. Just like with my own father’s new baby.

“Yeah,” he said simply, staring down at me without elaborating. I could see a million questions swirling behind his eyes, but knew he was afraid to push me. He raked a hand through his hair, and I remembered running my own fingers through those soft locks, breathing in the soapy scent of shampoo and aftershave.

“I can’t take this anymore, Maddy,” he said at last, his voice worn and hoarse. “I haven’t slept in days. I’ve barely eaten. I feel sick all of the time. I’ve tried to stay away, give you space, but I’m at my wits’ end.”

I stared down at the ground. “I know. I’ve felt similar.”

“What can I do to make you see I love you?” he asked, his tone more than a little frustrated. “I know this situation is awkward, but it doesn’t have to be over between us. Why can’t you see that? What we had was so special. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And damn it, I’m not going to let you throw it all away.”

“But what about Jen and the baby?” I asked, needing to be clear. “They’ll need you.”

“Yes. You’re right.” He nodded. “My baby will need a father. And Jen will likely need some financial and emotional support. I won’t neglect my responsibility. I will love my child and be there for him or her no matter what. But that doesn’t change anything between Jen and me. We haven’t gotten back together.”

“But you could,” I protested. “Once the baby is born, you could.” And that was the real reason, I suddenly realized, that I was resisting so much. I couldn’t bear the idea that I could lose him at a moment’s notice. That I could hand him my heart, only to have it crushed a few months down the road.

“No. That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with someone else,” he said simply, his words piercing at my heart. “Someone wonderful.”

He looked down at me with love-filled eyes, and it took every ounce of Jedi mind control not to throw myself into his arms right then and there.

“This person you love,” I said slowly. “What is she like?”

I could hear the smile in his voice, even as it sounded like he was holding back tears. “She’s very smart for one thing. And she cares more