it the first time I saw you on the steps of St. Thomas Church.”
“This is so—”
“Please don’t say no. Just give me a chance.”
Merrill pulled me to him and the delicious scent of sweat and salt air surrounded us and for once I forgot everything wrong with the world.
He whispered in my ear. “All I need is hope.”
CHAPTER
31
Varinka
1917
The morning after Taras branded me I lay under the satin coverlet on the countess’s bed and thought of ways to kill myself. How else to escape? Hang myself from the countess’s chandelier? Throw myself from her balcony?
How could I live this way? Every day was worse, with no freedom, Taras watching me in the bath, ready to blow up at the smallest thing. But how could I leave little Max? At three years old, he was more aware than ever. How much did the child take in?
Max climbed up onto my bed, and I smoothed back his blond curls. I tried not to flinch as he ran his finger down the burn just under the edge of my right eye, gentle as a buttercup’s kiss.
“Fait mal,” he said with a serious look.
“Yes, your Mummy hurts.”
Mummy. Though I used the word he never did. It had been months since Taras and Vladi took over the estate and the boy still showed signs of stress. Purple smudges under his eyes from restless sleep. He insisted on spreading blankets on Mamka’s bedroom floor and sleeping there, what he called “camping out.” He stood by the window of his bedroom most days watching. Waiting for Sofya? He spoke mostly Russian but Mamka and I kept up his French.
At least Taras had called a truce on Max for now.
“We will get away from Taras,” Mamka had said. But how? What would Papa have done about it all?
Papa. Just the thought of him brought tears, which spilled over, stinging my burn. Somehow the pain felt good. I had my own sins to atone for.
The door opened and Taras stepped partway into the room.
“Close your eyes, Varinka.”
Max clung to me, arms about my neck.
“You’re scaring him,” I said.
Taras stepped to the foot of the bed. “I have something for you.”
“I’ve had enough of your gifts.”
Taras looked at the carpet and fell silent for a moment. “I have tried to find your Papa’s samovar and cannot, but this is something you might like as well. Max, cover Varinka’s eyes.”
Max directed his gaze at me and I nodded. He sat up on his knees and placed his small hands over my eyes. I waited with a pit in my belly as the sound of Taras’s footsteps on carpet came closer.
“Oh, dear,” Max said.
“What is it?” I asked.
“A surprise,” Max whispered, his soft lips tickling my ear.
Something lay cold and hard against the spot where Taras branded me, the cold metal soothing my burn. Then I felt cold metal across the top of my hand.
“Open your eyes,” Taras said.
I found resting atop my hand a most incredible necklace, of diamonds so clear you could see through them and smooth, green stones like humps of moss.
“They’re emeralds,” Taras said. “I convinced Mrs. A. it was a fake and she offered it to me in exchange for the izba. She’s going to store her supplies there.”
“How could you? Papa built that place with his two hands.” Oddly all cried out, I could not summon even one tear.
“It was the countess’s and not a fake at all. Mrs. A. says blondes look best in emeralds. You like it?” With his free hand Taras smoothed a lock of my hair behind my ear.
I flinched at his touch.
“Ungrateful girl. But you’ll need fine things for we are going to Paris.”
“When?”
“Soon as I have a meeting in Petrograd. They chose me to go since Vladi will serve as district commissioner here.”
Paris. Just the thought of it warmed me. Mamka had told me so many stories of it. The shops and the clothes. Could Mamka and Max and I escape Taras in Paris? Surely it would be easier there.
I tossed the necklace on the bed. “That is good news, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“You sold my home, Taras. Mamka will never forgive you.”
“You’re never happy.” Taras pulled a valise from the armoire and heaved it onto the bed. “I am taking you with me to Petrograd.”
It was a sour thought, the idea of being with Taras for a whole trip, but my blood raced at the thought of visiting the city. I’d been there only once with Mamka and it was