she said, not expecting the thick emotion in her voice or for heat to gather in her eyes so suddenly. “I’m not good at this. Not good at men and I…” She licked her lips. “I didn’t know that.”
He smiled, drawing the edge of his finger down her jaw. Just the brief contact tore at her already bruised heart. “You are good at it, babe. We’re here, in this mess, because of me.”
“I’m a mess because of you,” she said, offering a feeble smile. “But I think I’d be a mess over you whether we were together or not.”
“What I said was out of line,” he said, solemn in his sincerity. “We were just talking and I didn’t think… I didn’t think about my words before I said them.”
“You can’t hide what you’re thinking. You shouldn’t hide it… It’s okay.”
He smiled. “Are you doing the polite thing again? Thought you got over that.”
Inhaling, she held her breath for a second before releasing it. Measuring her breathing was her way of getting it together before opening her mouth to speak.
“You’re not the only one who has to apologize for their words.” Poppy didn’t even know where to begin and clasped her hands at her chest. “I am so sorry. I would never have… I’ve never lost it like that before and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was emotional and… fired up and I… I’m sorry.”
“This whole thing, the situation, it isn’t easy for me… It might look like it’s easy from the outside, but… walking away from you has never been easy.”
“I understand, I didn’t mean to—”
“I don’t know what’s best anymore. The rules always made sense. They were there for a reason, smart reasons. Following them was never tough… until you.”
“You don’t have to justify yourself to me,” she said. “I told you that.”
“Yeah, but you were right,” he said, nodding toward the sidewalk behind them. Poppy took that as a hint to start walking and he fell into step beside her. “What you said about honesty. It was true. It was bullshit for me to accuse you of being dishonest when I was the one trying to kid myself this wasn’t a big deal.”
“Maybe it isn’t,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “We don’t know. Maybe it just feels like more than it is because we’re seeing each other all the time.”
“I haven’t seen you for two days… I don’t feel less for you than I did when you walked out. I feel more.”
Tightening her embrace, Poppy kept her focus on the concrete beneath her feet. “So what’s the solution?”
There was a pause before he answered. “I bought a whole bunch of condoms,” he said, draping something heavy over her.
His leather jacket. Pulling the edge of the leather closer around her, she showed him a smile. “Thank you.”
“For the condoms?” he asked, sliding an arm over her shoulders. “Figure we’ll share ‘em. Half for you, half for me… We each get to call when we want to use one until the stock runs out.”
“What if one of us runs out before the other?”
“Then I’d have to do what I can to tempt you to use your share, so I can buy more,” he said, burying his mouth in her hair.
Like it was a given he’d use his before her? Poppy could definitely be accused of making more moves than him… maybe. “I’m the serial initiator.”
“I took you to bed, babe,” he said, brushing his lips back and forth in her locks. “Think that makes me the worst offender.”
“Nothing happened,” she said, though the words didn’t feel quite true.
Their kiss was more than any just casual, passing affair. It was hot and intense… Just thinking about it was turning up her temperature again.
“I didn’t mean to put you in that position,” he said. “It wasn’t my intention when I asked you to come out with us to Naughtie’s. You tried to tell me. Before we went out, you… You knew we’d end up in bed together.”
“I didn’t know it,” she said. “I was just aware of my track record.”
“I kissed you.”
He said it. God, he’d said the words. Why did he have to own up like that? He didn’t want her to take the blame for what happened because she wasn’t the initiator. Not of their first real kiss. Except, if he’d let her, Poppy would’ve kissed him a dozen times before he took the final step for them.