Lord of Chaos (The Dragon Demigods #7) - Charlene Hartnady Page 0,43

keyed up.

“Why would you need blood?” I ask. “Are you part vampire?”

His mouth twitches. “No…I’m fucked up. I’m a complete mess, Nia.”

“You’re not! There’s nothing wrong with you. You should stop putting yourself down.”

“That’s just it! I am a mess. I can’t come unless I’m in pain. That normally requires bleeding.” He goes to the desk where he placed his things earlier, and unsheathes a small, sharp-looking blade. “Some guys use porn. Others use lube. I use this.” He holds it up. The handle looks like it’s made of ivory or bone. “I’m a fucking mess.”

“Pain…as in, you need to cut yourself open?”

“Oh, yes.” He widens his eyes.

“Or you can’t come?” This is shocking information.

“Won’t happen otherwise.”

“Why?” I frown. “That doesn’t make any kind of sense. It’s the opposite for most people.”

“That’s what I keep telling you. I’m not most people. It’s just the way I’m wired. I get off on pain. I would prefer it if you were on your knees and if you faced away from me without looking at me. I’m going to assume that blood doesn’t make you squeamish.”

I shrug, “No…not at all.” A year in hell will either kill you or make you as tough as nails.

“Great, then ignore any that lands on you, or the bed, or the walls,” he mumbles, looking everywhere but at me. No wonder he needed to go to that club. No wonder he looks for women like Kitty.

“The walls?” I sound breathless. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. It’s not that I can’t take it, it’s that I feel sorry for him.

He nods once. “I’ll try to make the whole thing as pleasant as possible for you.” He winces.

I nod. “I don’t mind blood. I would prefer if it wasn’t my blood, but if you have to—”

Rage curses. “I won’t hurt you, Nia. You have my word. I won’t be gentle, though. This will be fucking…pure and simple. I don’t do kissing and all of that bull.” He launches into the speech he gives all the women he sleeps with. I can tell.

“I heard all of this the night you gave the low-down to that woman after you left the club. Kitty, I think her name was.” I roll my eyes. “At least I know why you’re not much of a dog lover. You prefer cats.”

“I do not prefer cats.”

I snort. “Could have fooled me.” I’m making a stupid joke to cover how I’m feeling inside. Namely…upset. After everything we’ve been through, he’s still treating me like one of them. A Kitty. Someone from the sex club he frequents. I should feel happy because this is ultimately what I want. No feelings! No attachments. I should feel awesome. I don’t! I just can’t. I don’t sleep around. Sex means something to me. In this instance it’s a means to an end and so I push the emotions aside. They have no place here.

“Kitty was a mistake,” he says, his jaw tight.

“You’re telling me. You can do so much better,” I mutter, sounding jealous.

“Forget that night. Forget Kitty.” His eyes darken. “I hate looking for sex. It’s why I don’t do it often. I hate the type of women I am able to take to my bed…although I’ve never actually taken anyone to my own bed. I’m being rhetorical here. It’s always a hotel. I hate it just as much as I hate the actual sex.”

“Why do you do it then?”

“I have needs… more importantly, I feel a little calmer afterward. Calm is important to me. It’s why I fuck on occasion. It’s why I fight often…but without using my powers…never my powers. Everything I do is to maintain balance and order.”

“Five seconds,” I say.

“Five seconds from chaos.” He sort of smiles. Then he turns completely serious. “This is a one-off thing, Nia.”

I snort-laugh. “If I never have sex again after this, I’d be okay with that.” I yank my dress over my head, feeling pissed off. “Don’t you get too comfortable.” I point at him, feeling annoyed.

I lock eyes with Rage…I see…I think I see pity and softness and…desire….heat. He’s looking at me like he’s never looked at me before. Jesus and the saints.

That zing is back between my legs. Only this time, it’s settled in. Here to stay. I’m aching for something…anything. I just want him to touch me. That will be enough.

“I need you to lie down with your legs open. Don’t be afraid. You might just like it this time.” I know when I look into