Cam could hold back, glory in the power of the pleasure they drew from a woman. Watch her eyes glaze over, feel more than his own pleasure. He could feel her pleasure. And he could maintain his distance, he could maintain his control and the ability to hold back the pain. And the nightmares.
And he wanted that pleasure for Jaci, often. He wanted her dazed, wet, and shaking between them, twisting in the midst of a hunger so intense she didn’t know who she was, or where she was, only that she needed more. Just as she had the other night. The addictive need to have her like that again was growing, building in his gut, until he wondered how long he could maintain his control.
He needed to give her that. It crawled beneath his flesh, drove talons of agonizing arousal through his testicles, and made his c**k harder than it had ever been in his life.
“You’re going to have to explain things to her,” Chase said behind him. “You won’t hold her heart if you don’t give her yours in return, man.”
He shook his head. “How do you explain the impossible, Chase? Hell, sometimes even I can’t explain it to myself.”
He took his lovers alone often. He didn’t require Chase’s presence all the time, but sometimes, sometimes the darkness of the sexual needs inside him demanded it. As though there were a core inside himself, livid with a hunger, a need that became sated only in certain ways. And with Jaci, he didn’t dare take her alone. There would be no chance of maintaining even a semblance of distance from her otherwise.
“It would help her understand,” Chase said. “You can’t hide from her and expect her to give you everything. Hell, it’s bad enough that you hide from me.”
“Explaining it wouldn’t help.” He clenched his hands, fought to work through the surging fury. “It’s like a drug now. You know it as well as I do. Seeing the pleasure, feeling it.” He shook his head at the hopelessness of it.
“So, you’re going to lose her to the likes of Khalid instead?” Chase drawled. “Smart, Cam.”
“I’ll talk to Khalid.” He breathed in roughly. “He’ll stay away from her.”
He was aware of the disbelief in Chase’s expression. “Are we talking about the same Khalid?” his brother asked. “The same one undressing her with his eyes in the hallway, Cam?”
“Don’t push this, Chase,” he growled.
Chase held his hands up placatingly. “Fine. I’m out of it. Just consider the I-told-you-sos said when you find out he’s moved in for the kill.”
“She’s too smart to fall for him.” Cam shook his head. He had to believe that.
“She’s alone,” Chase said then, his voice soft, warning. “Remember that, Cam. She’s alone and losing the same man for the second time for the same reason. She’s been alone for a very long time now. She’s not going to stay alone.”
No, and she had every right not to have to be alone.
Cam shook his head, fighting his desires, fighting himself. She deserved the love she thought so highly of. Monogamous, possessive, pure love. She didn’t deserve the exact opposite of the ideal that she prized so highly.
“You know, Cam, I’m not in love with her,” Chase said then. “I won’t love her, not like you do.”
Cam rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling a relief so intense it was almost weakness. He could share her body with Chase, but the thought of sharing her emotions, her heart, the tender touches and the smoky looks . . .
“Cam, is it worth losing her?”
He paced across the room, his hand dropping from his neck as he moved to the window and stared into the bright morning sunlight.
Seven years. He’d waited, fantasized. He’d dreamt of her.
“I’ll figure something out.” And he would. Right now, he was allowing them both the distance they needed, but it wouldn’t last much longer.
“Evidently, you warned her to run when she saw either of us coming,” Chase said. “Why do that? Why not show her the man you are, rather than demanding she give into you without understanding what makes you like that? Damn, bro, you expect a lot from a woman, don’t you?”
“From her?” he whispered, watching through the tall windows as Courtney and Jaci moved into the gardens between the two wings of the house. “From her, I expect it all. And I think that terrifies both of us.”
9
Cam found her in the garden an hour later, a frown on her face as she sketched on the electronic pad she used for drawing and notes. She nibbled absently on her lip, and it made his lips tingle at the thought of having her little teeth nip at him.
He stood and watched her for long moments, aware of the growing hunger building inside him. Pretty soon, it wasn’t going to matter if Chase was around or not, he was going to take her every chance he had.
He was burning for her. That addiction thing again. Hell if he knew how to break this addiction, though. He didn’t want to break it.
“Got a minute?”