She bit her lip and he wanted to groan.
“I want to know why you’re so angry,” she finally said, lifting her eyes to him as she twisted her fingers together in front of her. “Why you walked out of my room and why you’re acting more like an ass**le than normal. I want you to talk to me, Kane.”
He snorted, grimacing at the plea. “I’ve been talking to you for months now, Sherra, and you haven’t bothered to listen. Why now?”
She glanced away before tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“You haven’t walked away from me before, Kane.” She sounded confused, as though the very act of him doing so had thrown her little world out of kilter.
Kane snorted a half laugh as his lips curved mockingly. He had chased after her like a lovesick dog after a bitch in heat, and the reason she was taking notice was that he had suddenly walked away. It was pissing him off.
“I told you I was here if you needed me.” He finally shrugged as he moved to the bed, stretching out on it suggestively, his hand gripping the base of his c**k as he watched her. “This is all you need from me, isn’t it, baby? Come on and get it. It’s all yours, anytime.” He hated the fury throbbing in his chest, the need to shake her, to make her see once and for all everything she was throwing away. She stared back at him in indecision, her expression filled with grief, with a pain that broke his heart.
“I don’t know what to do, Kane,” she whispered, the desperation in her voice echoing around them. “I don’t know how to fix this, how to fix myself.”
His clenched his teeth together at the helpless pain in her voice.
“I want you. I need you. I accept you as my mate. What more can I give you that you don’t already have?” She stared at him, her voice ragged, confusion and anger filling her voice. Her love. He sighed roughly. “I’m not asking you for anything more, Sherra,” he finally said in resignation. What right did he have to ask her for shit? “Not anymore.”
She moved slowly away from the door, stepping closer to him before stopping again.
“You’re wanting something I’m not giving,” she whispered. “I want to give it to you, Kane. I swear I do. I want you happy, I want you to know some peace as desperately as I need it for myself. Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do.”
She was gripping her hands in front of her, her fingers twisting together as she stared at him out of those shadowed, pain-ridden eyes. God help him, she had hurt so much in her lifetime. Was it fair that she hurt even a second more than she had to? That she should hurt because of his failure to protect her?
“Sherra…” He whispered her name with bleak sadness. “Come here, baby.” He held his hand out to her slowly. “You don’t have to guess. There’s nothing to tell. I think Taber’s contagious. All those foul moods of his.” He nearly choked on the words.
She shook her head desperately. “Don’t lie to me now,” she snapped, her eyes flashing with anger now.
“Don’t pacify me.”
He reached up to touch her cheek, but allowed his hand to drop to her shoulder instead, covering his own need, his own betraying action.
He tried to smile. “I need you,” he finally whispered. There was no need in making her pain greater at this moment. She gave him what she had, and it was more than he should expect, wasn’t it?
Because of him she had lost their child, had been drugged and cruelly raped and forced to survive in fear for nearly a decade. Because he had failed.
She didn’t want his tenderness, he knew. The gentle touches he would have given her, the soft words. She wanted to be f**ked. She wanted the heat eased, wanted to be taken until her orgasm exploded through her body, relieving her of the pain. He could give her this, and if it failed to still his own hungers, then it was his fault, not hers.
“I dreamed of you for so many years,” she whispered then, staring up at him, her eyes dark, creased with pain. “Even though I thought you betrayed me, I ached until I thought I would die from the need. Not the need to be f**ked, but the need to be held.” Her voice broke as a shudder racked her body. “I made myself hate, instead of love. I forced those needs so deep inside me that letting them go is as hard as forcing them down was to begin with.”
He stilled, watching her quietly now, hearing the words, seeing the tears in her eyes as she blinked furiously. And hope filled his heart.
“You touch me, and I feel all those defenses cracking…” A small sob filled her voice then. “I feel all those hopes and dreams that almost killed me rising inside me again. And it terrifies me…” A tear dropped down her cheek, a silky track of pain that had his heart clenching. “What do I do?” Her hands pressed against his chest, small fists that thumped against the scars as rage flashed in her eyes. “God damn you, Kane, what do I do if I lose you again? How will I survive loving you this f**king much, more than I ever did before, if I lose you?”
Joy ripped through his soul as he stared back at her in disbelief. It was all there now, filling her eyes, as surely as the pain, confusion and emotion filled them. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as he reached up slowly, his fingertips touching them hesitantly as she held firm. She didn’t flinch. Her eyes fluttered in pleasure as he smoothed the dampness away, her breath hitching as she stared back at him. Loved him.
“I loved you then, but never as much as I love you now,” he whispered. “I knew what it was like to lose you, to believe there was no hope, no chance of ever touching you again, of feeling your warmth or your kiss. And even then, I fought for you. I fought your battle, and in the darkest dreams I raged at the loss. Until I saw you in the darkness, heard your voice, saw your eyes and I breathed again.” His voice rasped from his throat as he fought back his own tears. “I die inside when I awake alone, always wondering if I dreamed you. If you were never really there. My first glimpse of you each morning is like a little slice of heaven. But I need more, Sherra.” His thumb pressed against her lips, holding back her response until he could finish. “I need your heart. I need the same bond from you that I give to you. I can’t live on hopes. Not like this.”
“I love you,” she sobbed. “What more do you want?”
“No more running.” He gripped her shoulders, forcing himself to lighten his hold, his desperation. “No
more f**king denials, Sherra. No more separate beds or hiding. All or nothing. I want it all.”
“What the hell do you think I’m trying to give you, ass**le?” She snarled in his face then, her canines flashing in warning as she growled the words. “Do you want me to take out a f**king ad or something?”
“I could handle that.” He tilted his head as though considering the suggestion, holding back his smile, his laughter. His joy. “It would be a start.”