“I love you.”
Her gurgled laugh was bitter. “But you hate him more. Sure. Of course. I would, too.” The tears scalded her cheeks. Nathaniel clenched his teeth, and tears shone in his own eyes.
“I love you.”
“I heard you the first time! Will you just shut up and leave?”
He swallowed, strong throat muscles working. “Left alone, he would burn down the world. There are nuclear weapons now.”
“Don’t get melodramatic. He would never destroy the world. Then there would be no people for him to torture. And we both know that’s what he likes.”
“He tortures people to torture Heaven, but he’d like it even better if the world was no more.”
“Why?”
“God used to love mankind and all the angels. God still loves mankind. He still loves the angels of Heaven, but he does not love Gadreel. Jealousy, bitterness, and hatred are very bright emotions. If Gadreel were left to it, he would destroy your world. To take away what God cherishes, I promise you, that’s what Gadreel wants most.”
“Well, we can’t have that. If he blows up the world, what would I write about?” she said, her voice hollow.
Nathaniel rubbed his eyes. “I don’t hate him more than I love you, Kate.” He shook his head, continuing to cover his eyes. His voice, heavy with emotion, caught, making her own throat clench. “You’re what I cherish. My every happiness. That I can’t be with you . . . it’s a thousand knives slicing my heart. It’s wounds that will never heal.”
The tears poured from her eyes, dropping like rain onto the blotter.
“I know someone has to stop Gadreel, but does it have to be you?” she demanded, choking on her tears.
He looked at her then. “When he’s flesh, only an angel of flesh can engage him. I’m the only one here.”
“Huh.” She wiped her face, a useless effort as tears continued to spill over her lower lashes. “You guys need a better recruitment plan.”
He swallowed. “I made you a promise,” he whispered. “I need you to release me from it.”
Her brows rose, and she licked her lips. “You mean I could keep you if I wanted to? I could just say you made me a promise and that you have to honor it, and you’d have to stay?”
He nodded.
“You know,” she said, choking out a laugh. “I told them it wasn’t fair that they showed you to me if I couldn’t have you. It would serve them right if I just kept you for myself and said to hell with the world. Do you have any idea how freaking beautiful you are? You’re dawn’s early light that I chase every daybreak. Do you know that I’ve never loved anyone else? And that I probably never will? I’ve had one dream for the past decade, and it’s been you,” she whispered breathlessly. “Always . . . every night . . . you.”
The sobs took her.
Nathaniel reached over the desk and lifted her from the chair, cradling her against him. She felt him shaking, too.
“It’s not fair. Not f**king fair,” she gasped.
Moments stretched by, and she cried out her pain and frustration, the final tears struggling to reach her jaw. “I love you,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “And I release you from your promise.”
He held her for an age. She wondered if he’d heard what she said, but she’d be damned before she repeated it. Damned.
As if she’d thought the word loud enough for him to hear, Nathaniel’s grip loosened, then fell away. She took his hand and led him to the bathroom. She wet a cloth, wiped her face and handed it to him. He scrubbed it over his lids and cheeks. His lips were pale, she noticed, and his eyes bloodshot.
“Okay,” she said softly as he dropped the cloth in the sink. “Kiss me good-bye, and I’ll see you in my dreams.” She closed her eyes and waited for a kiss that never came. When she opened her eyes, he’d gone.
For a long time, she couldn’t think what to do. She filled the tub with water and turned on the jets, pouring in half a bottle of bath gel. Then she climbed in and sat numbly in suds to her shoulders until the world exploded.
Chapter Eight
Smoke, fire, and churning water. Alarms rang in the distance, but Kate’s ears felt full of water. Kate climbed from the tub, choking on smoke, and slipped. Something sliced her calf and she shrieked in pain, but her voice sounded muffled. She crawled through shards of broken glass, feeling her way toward the door. She needed to get to the stairs. Water sprayed from the walls where the sprinkler pipes had busted, but fire still burned. She felt the heat.
As she pulled at the door, a hotel bathrobe fell onto her, and she slid her arms into it. Smoke clogged the air. She kept her eyes tightly closed as she moved. The door to the suite had to be nearby.