A Long Way Back (Unfinished Business #2) - Barbara Elsborg Page 0,46
God. He needed Tay to push this because he couldn’t. Breathing became tricky. Tay shuffled a little closer, and tricky became impossible. Tay put his hand under Ink’s chin and tilted his face up to his.
“You’re very interesting,” Tay whispered. “Mysterious. Intriguing.”
Oh God. So much for staying under the radar.
“Since I came down to London, nothing interesting has happened to me. You’ve made me think, made me wonder. You’ve made me brave.”
Tay swallowed hard, then brushed his lips over Ink’s. When Tay pulled back, Ink stared into his eyes trying to figure out how he’d suddenly lost control of the situation.
“You’re kissing me?” Ink whispered.
“Trying to.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, just that I have to do it.”
Goose bumps erupted over Ink’s body. He wanted to say good but the word lodged in his throat. He ought to say don’t but that word floundered somewhere below good. A long way below.
“Your lips are soft.” Tay smiled.
“Is that what’s going through your head? That I have soft lips?”
“Yep, along with—oh fuck, I’m about to kiss a guy. Is it different to kissing a girl? Does one of us have to be in charge? What if I can’t stop kissing him? What if I don’t like it? What if he thumps me? What if I freak out and thump him? What if he thinks I’m crap at kissing? What if a meteor lands on us before I get to kiss you?”
“Is that all?”
Tay sighed. “No, there’s a whole lot more. The main worry being that I can’t actually stomp off in a huff if this doesn’t go well.”
Ink smiled. “What makes you think it won’t go well?”
“Haven’t we spent long enough talking about this?”
Ink shook his head. No matter how much his head was telling him not to let this start, Tay was right. It had begun a long while ago. Though Tay didn’t know it, it had started even before they met each other. Maybe further back than that when Ink had dreamed of a moment like this and known a moment was all he could hope for.
“We’ve killed the spontaneity,” Tay whispered.
“But upped the sexual tension. It’s off the fucking scale.”
Tay laughed. “What else do we need to discuss?” He leant on his side, but still kept hold of Ink’s wrists.
“Whether it’s a good or bad idea,” Ink whispered.
“Why would it be bad?” Tay looked adorably bewildered.
“You admitted you might freak out.”
“I won’t.”
“Are you experimenting on me? Checking if you really are gay?”
“It doesn’t feel like it. I want… I just want.”
But even if it starts, it will end, and I’ll have to end it if you don’t.
It shouldn’t start because although I deserve to be happy, you don’t deserve to be unhappy.
This isn’t a good idea because I’m lying to you, and that’s not fair.
Ink felt choked by a torrent of emotions. This was why he never let himself get involved. One kiss that wasn’t a kiss, just the faintest brush of lips, and his carefully constructed world had started to slide into the abyss.
“One thing I know for certain now,” Tay said. “I’m gay.” He sucked in a breath as if he’d shocked himself with the admission.
“You whispered that. Going to shout it?”
Tay smiled. “Not yet. But I know what I am. I’m not bi. Not straight. Not gay for you, if that’s even possible. Gay. And I want to kiss you. Except you’ve made me so fucking anxious, I think I’m going to mess it up.”
“I could give you marks out of ten, but—”
“I do not take criticism well. Anything less than a ten is going to destroy me.”
Ink chewed his lip. “Here’s my confession. I don’t have anyone to compare you to.”
Tay gaped at him. “What do…? Oh God. You’ve never…? How the…? Ink? What the fuck?”
He pulled free of Tay’s hold. “There’s a lot I can’t tell you about me. The things I’ve not done are as important as the things I have. In a way, more important. I have been with guys, but not many, and a few of those I only went with because they paid me.”
He watched Tay carefully. His expression didn’t change, but his Adam’s apple rose and fell. Ink wasn’t sure what reaction he’d expected. Disgust? Revulsion? Sadness? Understanding? Maybe Tay didn’t know how to react.
“Shit,” Tay whispered.
“Hunger and desperation convinced me to do stuff I’d have preferred not to. You’d be surprised what you can bring yourself to do when