Long, Tall Texans_ Boone (Long, Tall Texans #35) - Diana Palmer Page 0,37

came back a few days before Dad brought me here.”

Ella looked relieved. “At least Jock didn’t have much access to you, did he?”

“No,” Keely replied. “I was afraid of him.”

“I still am,” Ella confessed. “Your father could be dangerous when he was drunk. But he said Jock was dangerous cold sober.”

Keely smoothed her hands over her knees. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

Ella’s eyes were troubled. “I was scared, Keely,” she said abruptly. “I couldn’t face the fact that I’d helped kill a man, even if nobody knew. I started drinking and I couldn’t stop. It helped me forget.” She bit her lip again. “I should never have said that I didn’t want you, Keely. Or that your father was disappointed you weren’t a boy. I wanted you so much. I would have given up anything rather than lose you. Carly was right. I should never have said such a thing.”

It didn’t mean that Ella loved her. But it was something. “Thanks,” Keely replied.

Ella cocked her head. “Are you getting involved with the Sinclair boy?” she asked worriedly. “Brent would find a way to use you to his advantage if he could, you know. He’s an addict. He can’t stop. He’s more dangerous now than he ever was when I lived with him, especially in his situation and with Jock egging him on.”

Keely was trying to come to grips with the idea that her own parents had a hand in the death of Sheriff Hayes’s young brother, and that her father was a drug dealer. She’d known about deals he’d made to acquire animals that weren’t quite what she thought of as legal. But he’d hidden his worst side from her during those two years they were together. From her vantage point now, she’d been naive and stupid. Perhaps, she thought, it wasn’t so much ignorance as denial. She hadn’t wanted a larcenous parent. Even an alcoholic, which is what she thought her father was, didn’t have the stigma of a thief. Then again, it was a matter of degree.

“You’re remembering things, aren’t you?” Ella asked. “Listen, Keely, I may not be a good parent. I may be the worst alcoholic in town. But I’ve never laid a hand on you in anger or put your life at risk, and you know it.”

That was the truth. Keely might feel used by her mother, but she’d never been afraid of her. She nodded.

“I’d like to tell you that I’m going to start over. That I’ll stop drinking and carping and seducing married men.” She shrugged and made a self-mocking smile. “But it would be a lie. I’ve been like this too long. I can’t change. I don’t want to change. I like getting drunk. I like men.”

“I know that,” Keely said in a resigned tone. “If you could just stop trying to make me feel inferior, that would be something. It hurts when you make fun of the way I am. Dad certainly isn’t perfect, but he made me go to church every Sunday. He even said once that he was going to make sure I didn’t end up like both of you.”

Ella thought about that. She was still holding her drink. She took another sip. “Well, he was right to do that. Yes. He was. The best way to give up being an alcoholic is never to start drinking in the first place.”

“I don’t like the smell of it,” Keely murmured.

Ella laughed. “Neither do I,” she confessed. And she smiled, really smiled, at her daughter.

“Did either of your parents drink?” she asked out of the blue.

Ella’s eyes darkened with pain. She took a big gulp of the drink. “My father did.”

She waited, but no other confessions were forthcoming. She wondered at the hatred in Ella’s eyes when she talked about her father. Keely remembered that she never had talked about him, or about her mother, either.

“More secrets,” Keely murmured absently.

Ella only nodded. “Some are best kept forever.” She got up. “Well, I’m going to bed. If the phone rings, do us both a favor and don’t answer it.”

“I wish I could,” Keely confided, “but I still have a job that requires me to go out at all hours.”

Ella frowned. “Do you have a cell phone?”

She flushed. “No.” She couldn’t afford even a cheap disposable one.

Ella went to her purse and dug out hers. “When you go out at night from now on, you take mine. I’ll be with Carly if I go out.” She waved away the instant objection.