Long Lost - James Scott Bell Page 0,36

to normalcy. There were pictures of Robert and Steve in that trunk, a photographic lifeline. Paper-thin slices of the past, linked like a fragile chain, one that might be able to pull him out of a dark hole someday.

When Ashley and he got the house, he put the trunk out here in the garage but had not looked inside it since.

Now he did.

There were three photo albums, some envelopes, and several loose pictures scattered around. Also, his mom’s old high-school year books. He opened the one for the class of ‘76. All those black-and-white pictures of faculty and kids. His mom was a sophomore, Carla Rigney. She had her head turned slightly, wore glasses, and half smiled. She seemed uncertain about her future but trying to put a brave look on things. She wasn’t one of the babes. You could tell the babes, with their eye makeup and blond hair and I-dated-the-quarterback expressions.

His mom’s picture also showed up in a couple of the clubs. Something called Knowledge Bowl, which looked like all the geeky smart kids. She was one of two girls among ten boys. She was also in Ecology Club and Student Store Workers. In that last picture her dark hair framed a round face and came to rest in flip curls below her shoulders. She was looking straight into the camera, as if ready to sell you a notebook.

The inside front cover didn’t have a lot of signatures. One said, Carla, we haven’t known each other real well but you are a real sincere person and I wish you a lot of luck. Have a great summer and a beautiful life. Patty.

Steve guessed Patty didn’t wish hard enough.

He put the yearbook back on top of the other two, then picked up a handful of the loose photos. A lot of baby pictures of Robert. There was one of him in a Superman suit, maybe when he was four. Steve was on his lap, the little brother, and Robert had his arm around him, as if holding him up. But Robert’s look was uncertain, like he was afraid he might drop the little one. Steve’s face, on the other hand, was in a full smile. Excited about being on his brother’s lap.

Another one showed them a little older. Robert a full head taller than Steve, with his arm over Steve’s shoulder. They were out in the backyard covered with dirt. Steve remembered the moment. They’d just built a fort. Used wood and cardboard and leafy branches for camouflage. Steve could still see the inside of that fort, the sunlight streaming through the gaps, the smell of the dirt.

The feeling of security, inside with his brother.

Steve went through about two dozen more of the loose pictures. One of last reached out and gripped his throat. It was Robert in his train pj’s. The ones he’d been wearing the night he was taken. He was eating a bowl of cereal. Looking up at the camera like he’d been disturbed, as if their mother, taking the picture, was interrupting his life. A life that would soon become a nightmare.

“Is everything all right?”

He didn’t turn to face Ashley. “No,” he said. “I mean, I’ll be okay. Would you mind”—he tossed the photos in the trunk and closed it—“if I took this with me today and came back for the rest?”

“The trunk?”

“Yeah. I can fit it in the backseat. I’ll take a couple of the bags, too. Maybe I can borrow a truck for the other stuff.”

“Sure, Steve. Just as long as you get it taken care of.”

“I said I would.”

Ashley said nothing. The feeling was familiar. Many times in their marriage he’d lose it over some small thing. She wouldn’t dignify him with a response. He’d put her down for saying nothing, and she’d ask him why he always wanted to fight. He wouldn’t say anything at that point. How could he explain that fighting was just another way to distract him from the void? He couldn’t because he didn’t have the words then. Most of the time he was high anyway.

Ashley helped him get the trunk in his car. He drove back to his office and got a dolly from the storage room and wheeled the trunk into his office.

And then sat there. Looking at it. Wishing the contents would fly out on their own and spread before him, showing him what his life was supposed to look like now and forever.

24

On Thursday Steve took Sienna to his favorite rib shack in