compared to the men’s restroom, which always seems to have Out of Order signs posted on the door. Oh! There’s also always toilet paper and toilet seat covers. Same reason. Less throughput.”
“Any other good things about being a female in gaming?”
There had to be something else besides empty bathroom stalls. “Dudes don’t really drink tea. At least not in our office. So there’s plenty of tea supply in the kitchen.”
“Anything else?” She didn’t write the tea thing down.
“When there are parties, no one drinks the rosé or sparkling wine except for me. So those extra bottles usually come home with me afterward. I have, like, three bottles of bubbly in my fridge at all times.”
She waited for me to say more. I shrugged.
“Okeeee, thank you so much, Melody. Byeeeeeeee!” Bah-eeeeeeeeee, Bridge!
As I passed the fem-friendly cooking station, a friendly Martha Stewart clone with an apron called out to me, “Sweetie, would you like to learn how to make a low-carb, high-protein, gluten-free casserole?”
Um no.
Not ever.
I moved past the jam-packed “Edible Flower Arrangements 101” area and ended up at the fem-powering sewing corner, where attendees could learn how to make a throw pillow. I saw Ian with a plate of food, being interviewed by Bridget. I about-faced and hoped he didn’t see me.
“Hold on a sec,” Ian said. “Melody, come over here!”
Goddamnit.
“Oh, hey there. Happy Women’s Appreciation Day, Ian.” I raised up my hand and gave him a little wave. And a little forced smile.
Ian lifted his glass to cheers me. “Times are changing, ladies! I want you to know from this point forward, I’m your double X chromosome advocate, you got that?”
I nodded. “Does this mean you’ll be restocking the bathrooms with tampon machines that don’t charge a quarter?”
Bridget giggled.
Ian lowered his drink. “Melody, I want you to know I hear you, and your female perspective is always appreciated at this company.” But then he shook his head no.
Glancing over at another group of executives nearby, he pointed at them and walked away from Bridget and me without saying goodbye, essentially telling us to our faces that he was ghosting us. I said goodbye to Bridget, too, and pushed through the slow-moving crowd.
Near the exit, I stopped at the airbrush T-shirt area. I chose my light pink plain tee (the only color available) and carefully stenciled and airbrushed PIES B4 GUYS, a parody of the novelty shirt that Asher sometimes wore under his plaid button-down that read = RIGHTS FOR BROS AND HOS. I added cherry pie kawaii art to my shirt to complete the look.
Kat walked over with a plate full of assorted sandwiches. “This whole pro-female event had to have been planned by a guy, right? What woman in her right mind would have put something like this together?” She lowered her voice. “I hope it wasn’t Mr. Intern.”
My cheeks burned hot. “Nah, he’s doing finance stuff now.”
She rolled her eyes so far back I thought they’d get stuck in a perma-roll position. She continued her rant. “Sponsored by the morale committee that has Booze Day Tuesday, and then Thirsty Thursdays and Beer Pong Fridays back to back, and the company that has all its conference rooms named after white male science-fiction and fantasy guys.”
“All hail the unescapable bro culture at Seventeen Studios!” I took a roast beef sandwich off her plate, saluted her with it, and took a bite.
Ian came up behind me and clamped his hand firmly on my shoulder, making me flinch. “Enjoy your day, Melody. Kat. This is something that no other game company has done. We’re showing how much we appreciate women here.”
I motioned that I had food in my mouth, faking excessive chewing just to get out of speaking with him. He nodded and moved on to appreciating the next female victim.
Kat frowned. “You know, there are almost as many female gamers as guy gamers now. I really wish more women worked here.”
I sighed heavily, and we walked out the door together.
The actress in the string chain mail bikini handed me a stack of free games and said, “Thank you from Seventeen Studios for being a woman in gaming.” She shouted “Nice shirt!” as I made my way back to my desk, wearing my oversize airbrushed pie tee over my work clothes.
The stack of games she handed me featured all the women they’d showcased onstage. And the game on the very top of the pile?
Kaizen Five.
AFTER A QUICK stop in the kitchen for coffee, I walked by Nolan’s desk to find him