“What if I’m never ready?” Lila’s eyes begin to well up. “What if I want to stick my head in the sand and not deal with it? I have enough to deal with, you know?”
“If you think he’s cheating, you should leave him.” Frances speaks bluntly. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“But we work together.” The tears are coming out faster now, cutting trails through her foundation and faded blush, and she swipes at them, which only makes it look worse. “We have two kids together. It’s not that simple, Frances.”
“All’s I’m saying is that you shouldn’t stay married to someone who betrays you.” Frances crosses her arms over her chest, something she does when she believes she’s right. “You’re better off alone. No offense to our sweet Simon here, but I figured out a long time ago how to make a life without a man.”
Yeah, and what a life it is. Lila and Marin trade a sideways glance; they’re both thinking the same thing. Frances has a support group and a donut shop, and that’s about it.
“What if I don’t want to ‘figure it all out’?” The thumbnail is back in Lila’s mouth. “What if I don’t want anything to change? What if this is … as good as it gets for me? What if this is all I deserve?”
“Bullshit,” Simon says, but the resigned look on his face doesn’t match his forceful tone.
Frances has nothing to add, and frankly, neither does Marin. She’s too tired for a pep talk, and she doesn’t have the energy to convince Lila of something she hasn’t been able to convince herself of. They all know exactly what she means. Everyone in this room lives every single day with the burden of what they’ve done: they didn’t protect their children. As parents, above all else, that’s the one fucking thing they’re obligated to do.
So, no, they don’t deserve a good life. Not if their children aren’t okay.
“Be kind to yourself.” It’s the best Marin can come up with, and as soon as the words are out, she winces. They’re so trite, so shallow. She knows better than to spew words taken straight out of an inspirational meme, and Lila pounces.
“Oh, like you?” she says, and Marin blinks. “Why do you stay in your shitty marriage? You and Derek barely speak. When’s the last time you guys had sex? And you…” She turns her glare to Frances. “You haven’t been married since the Stone Age, and everybody you speak to is sitting in this donut shop right now. You’re not exactly a shining example of what I want my life to be in twenty years.”
“Lila, come on,” Simon says, reaching for yet another donut. His third, by Marin’s count. “That’s not nice.”
“Oh, and nice is working for you?” Lila’s voice grows louder. “Where has nice ever gotten you, Simon? Your wife left you and you’ve gained twenty pounds from all the donuts you eat when you come here.” She turns to Jamie, who seems to shrink once Lila’s gaze lands on her. “You sure you want to be here? Because this is your life now, too, and there’s still time to stay in denial if you need to.”
“Hey,” Marin says, raising her voice. It’s one thing for Lila to snap at her and Frances. They can handle it. Simon, on the other hand, is way more sensitive, and when he cries—which he will—it’s awful for everyone. And a new person should never, ever be subjected to this. They’re having a hard enough time already. “I get that you’re angry, but quit taking shots. We’re all on your side.”
“But I don’t want to be on this side.” Lila’s voice is shaking. Her hands are, too. “I don’t want to be here, on this side, with you people. Don’t you get it? I don’t want this to be my life. And I really don’t want to hear it from you, Marin, because if Derek isn’t cheating on you now, he will be. That’s what men do.”
“Whoa whoa whoa!” Simon holds up two chubby hands, and it’s the loudest Marin’s ever heard him speak. “Let’s take a time-out, ladies.”
“Oh, fuck off with your ‘ladies,’” Frances says, standing up. In about a minute, she’s going to need a cigarette. “Lila, honey, put up with it or don’t put up with it, but for god’s sake, stop screaming at us. All’s I’m saying is, you have a choice, okay? And you’re entitled to make it. But staying married