A Little Bit Scandalous Page 0,61

…

In a single swift movement he was back by her side. He tipped her chin up so she had to look at him. “You are beautiful and extremely desirable. You—” He could hardly think about how lovely she was without wanting to ravish her. Talking about it was impossible. “But you are also very innocent in the ways of the world.”

“I—”

“I know you want to be stripped of that innocence, but I will not be the man to do it.” The only question was how could he allow another man to do it? He didn’t know. After all this time, he still didn’t know how he could bear to let another man have her. But he did know this: Christopher had not left her to his keeping so he could defile her. He would want better for his sister, and she deserved better.

“How can you not blame me? I’m the reason he died, Caroline.”

She shook her head, a frown furrowing her brow. “Roe, it grieves me so that you have blamed yourself for this for so long. Christopher was never the healthiest of persons. He had fevers often growing up. You both fell ill on that trip; it is no one’s fault that Christopher died. He succumbed to a disease that has claimed plenty of other lives.”

He wanted to believe her words, wanted to cling to them and let them wash over his battered soul, absolving him of his guilt, but without this guilt standing between them then Roe feared he’d have no legitimate excuse not to be with her. He knew that no matter how things might seem, he’d succumb to his true nature, become like his father. He’d hurt Caroline and she’d grow to hate him.

“I don’t want to hurt you the way my father hurt my mother. Or the way I hurt Penelope,” he said.

“I thought Penelope left you for Lord Granger.”

“She found respite in his arms, but I couldn’t even be faithful to her during our courtship. A marriage would have been worse.”

“What happened?”

“Certainly you don’t want the sordid details,” he said.

“No, I merely want to understand what troubles you so.”

“I had another woman in my arms.”

“Your arms or your bed?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters a great deal. There is a significant difference between bedding a woman and sharing a brief moment of passion.”

“Yes, but I would have brought her to my bed.”

“But you didn’t. Therein lies the significance.”

“Still, you don’t know what I’m capable of.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to do that to her or any woman, especially you.”

She said nothing in response and he knew she was no doubt repulsed by his admission. It was for the best.

“I’m going to leave now. When I return, please be in your own bedchamber.” With that he stepped into his dressing room and quickly changed. He needed to be away from her, needed space. She had proved far too tempting for him. Had he allowed her to seduce him completely he would have no choice but to marry her, and he couldn’t do that. She deserved so much more than the likes of him.

He left the dressing quarters and made his way outside. He needed a drink and a distraction. Before he knew it he was heading in the direction of his brother’s townhome. Justin could be at Rodale’s, but ever since marrying Clarissa, the two lovebirds stayed close to their nest in the evenings. As luck would have it, the Rodales were home. His brother’s butler brought Roe into Justin’s study.

Roe immediately found his brother’s good scotch and poured himself a glass. He downed it in one gulp and ignored the fire that burned its way down his throat and watered his eyes. He cleared his throat and poured himself another. It was then that Justin stepped inside.

“This is a surprise,” he said.

“I’ve missed you,” Roe said, holding his glass up in a mock toast.

“Yes, that I can tell by the sardonic tone in your voice. Sit.” Justin sat by the fireplace and motioned for his brother to accompany him there. “What is troubling you, dear brother?”

“How can you tell?”

“It’s the only time you drink scotch.”

Roe eyed the glass and then looked up at Justin. “I loathe being so bloody obvious.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Justin grinned.

“Caroline is in town,” Roe said. He still kept his gaze on the amber-colored liquid in the glass.

“Yes, you mentioned that, though it seems to be troubling you.” Justin leaned back in his chair. “I take it you