A Little Bit Dirty - Jenika Snow Page 0,18

had. Running might seem like the stupidest thing I have ever done when I think about it now, but, Jacks, in my mind at the time it seemed like the only thing that was smart.” She looked at him then.

He didn’t look upset, and in fact didn’t look like anything. He was just stoic, and she hated that most of all.

“You know, I loved you back then, Tanner.”

“I know, Jacks. I loved you, too. You were one of my best friends.”

He was shaking his head before she even finished.

“No, I loved you in the not best friend kind of way.” He held her gaze with his own for several long seconds. “I was so fucking in love with you, and when we had sex it wasn’t because we had been drinking, or that it just was something to pass the time. I was not fucking you, but making love to you.”

Her heart started pounding fast and hard at his words. She remembered the sex, the hard and rough thrusting, but also the soft kisses, the way he had stroked her lips with his tongue, and then licked every part of her body like he was trying to memorize her. He had been rough and brutal, consuming and intoxicating, but for Jacks and the guy he was, it had been perfect and right.

She rubbed her eyes, wishing that this conversation hadn’t taken place at this wild ass party. As it was she could hear girls squealing, and when she looked up she could see that some guys were sucking and biting at the woman’s nipples.

“I have wanted to have this conversation for a while, Jacks. I just wish it wasn’t where some chick was getting coke sucked off of her crotch.” Before she knew what was happening he had her hand in his, leading them back to the party, and right out the front doors. “Jacks, what are you doing?” She had managed to wave and shrug to Zoe, who was still sitting right beside Beats, but it had been fast and in passing.

“I want to have this conversation right now, and you want privacy…” He didn’t finish that sentence, but she knew what he was doing now.

Jacks led them down the ornate and rustic hallway to the last door at the other end of the building. Once the door to the room was opened he led her inside. The room was much smaller than the suite they had just left, but it still had that wild, all natural pine setting going on.

“I didn’t mean we had to haul ass out of there to talk.” And she hadn’t, and hoped it hadn’t come out that way. “That just wasn’t the setting I envisioned having this conversation at.”

He nodded, but looked tense. He walked over to the bar in the corner and poured himself a drink. “You want something?”

She shook her head. She was already still feeling buzzed from the shots she’d had at Rosco’s and the beer she had all but guzzled down less than a half an hour ago. There was no sense in beating around the bush, so she just started right in on the conversation they had started out on the balcony. “I should have called, should have reached out. But, Jacks, you were a freaking rock star pretty much right after we graduated. You got signed, moved out of Brookstone, and started touring and making records.”

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and kept his back toward her as he tipped back his glass and finished off his drink.

Finally, after what seemed like ages of silence, he said, “I should have called, too, Tanner.” He turned around and leaned against the bar. “I guess after my confusion and hurt had passed I grew really pissed at the fact that you could just walk away from our friendship like that.” He shrugged, and looked at the ground. “I was really fucking hurt, Tanner. Did you really not know that I was totally in love with you?”

The emotion she felt inside of her at hearing him say that tugged at her heart. He might have used past tense, but he had still said he had loved her. Their lives were so different now. She was living at home jobless, and he was this rocker touring the world.

“I didn’t know, Jacks, because if I would have known how you felt for me I would have told you I felt the same way.” She felt like crying for all the