A Little Bit Dirty - Jenika Snow Page 0,16

old? Or maybe too much?” She turned and leaned her side on the banister. “I know you love the music, and it’s a part of you, but I don’t know if I could handle the drugs and random sex if the roles were reversed.”

He really didn’t need to think about her words, because he knew what she meant. This life wasn’t for everyone, and had ruined a lot of musicians. It had a way of sucking a person down, consuming them until there wasn’t anything left, and then they were nothing. But he and Tanner were talking about him and not any of the other guys—Beats, to be specific. Their rise to fame had been recorded by the news, television, and anyone willing to gossip, but when Beats had hit rock bottom no one had even known it had been that bad.

His recovery hadn’t been publicized, they had made sure of that, but it had been one hard as fuck task to complete. He looked at Beats now, knew that he shouldn’t even be around this kind of shit, but ever since he got cleaned up two years ago, he changed in a way that none of them could really describe. Even after Jacks and the other two guys sat down with him, asked him if he would prefer the parties to be held elsewhere, a place that wasn’t right up in his face, Beats had always said no.

His reasoning was he wanted things to be the way they were, even if it was hard at times. Jacks couldn’t say he was happy at the time with that decision, and had even feared Beats would relapse, but it had been two years since their drummer had gone down that dark hole, and he had been clean ever since.

“I guess I am just kind of numb to it. At first it was great. The parties, the hot chicks throwing themselves at me and wiling to just give it up because I was in Twisted Feather…” When he glanced at her he saw she was watching him intently. “It was great, and I had this high all the time from the lifestyle.” He was going to bring up the fact that he had done his fair share of drugs, had drunk enough alcohol that he could have supplied his own liquor store, and that he had slept with more women than he could even remember over the last five years. He wasn’t proud of any of that shit, especially not with Tanner right next to him, but like he said before, this lifestyle had a way of sucking a person down. They stayed quiet for several seconds, just watching the party again. A lot of shit was moving through his mind since she had brought up the lifestyle, because he couldn’t help but compare how he felt now, to what he was feeling before.

He looked at Beats, saw him talking to Zoe with their faces close together, and wondered why the other guy had never seen Zoe as more than just a friend. She was gorgeous, funny, and they had been close forever. But Beats had his own demons that he had fought, and he had been clean for a long time without relapsing, despite the shit that circulated around them constantly.

“I think it takes a strong person to be a famous musician, or any other profession that puts you in the spotlight like this.” She turned and looked at him when he didn’t answer. “Everything okay?”

Jacks ran a hand over his jaw, felt the stubble that was starting to come in, and breathed out. He didn’t think he could ignore all the thoughts in his head, or the questions that refused to stay buried. Now was just as good a time as any to bring this shit up he supposed. “Why did you haul ass out of town after we slept together?”

4

The music, the drugs and booze, all of it was thrust in his face like an evil temptation that wouldn’t let up its sadistic hold. If Beats was smart he would have turned away from all of this, hidden in a room until the devil and his toys were no longer in his face.

He tipped back his beer, the only thing he allowed himself to drink that was alcohol related after all the shit he had willingly put himself through.

He looked at Zoe, with her softness surrounding her, and the scent of something sweet filling his nose and drowning out