put up with me looking like hell.
As the announcer rambled on about possible problems with the team and off-field issues leading to their dismal record this season, my irritation grew. I wanted to scream at the television that they were absolutely right.
I picked up my phone and dialed Zach’s number, because if I didn’t get this off my chest, I was going to blow up at PJ. Directing my anger toward him may not be fair, but he didn’t acknowledge how damaging public perception could be in the long term if he kept letting drama unfold around him without saying anything.
When this exploded in his face, because it was a matter of when, not if, there was no doubt in my mind Mercer would spin the story to make everything that’d happened PJ’s fault. He’d set back all the progress made by players in Milwaukee by talking about how uncomfortable he was having a gay man in the showers with him. He’d accuse PJ of coming on to him, even though he was the last man on earth any gay man would want to fuck.
“Hey, awfully late for you to call,” Zach answered on the first ring. “Everything okay up there?”
“Yeah,” I said with little enough enthusiasm I didn’t even convince myself. “At least, I hope so.”
“Talk to me,” Zach urged when I let my thoughts trail off. “Does this have to do with the fight no one can stop talking about?”
“It wasn’t a fight,” I argued. At least, it didn’t look like one from where I was sitting.
“Sure as hell looked like one from here,” Zach argued. “What in the hell happened, anyway? I mean, they’re talking about what might have been the cause, but no one knows for certain.”
“I don’t know any more than you right now,” I admitted. “PJ’s up in his room and I’m sitting here getting more and more pissed off. And I shouldn’t be, because he’s not the one being an asshole, but he is the one putting up with it. It’s like when we were in sixth grade and Levi Cross kept calling me a fairy. I didn’t want to do anything to make it worse, so I ignored him. But that didn’t make it any better, either. It just proved to him that he could do whatever he wanted and wouldn’t get in trouble for it.”
“That’s not what’s happening here and you know it,” Zach countered. “I know you think the whole world should work a certain way, but it doesn’t. Maybe someday it will, but sports are still stuck in the Stone Age when it comes to being open and accepting. At the same time, every league is working harder than ever to hide that until they figure out how to get the players to…well, to play. I’d bet if you ask the management of any sports team out there, they’d tell you they sincerely want a more open and welcoming locker room, but it’s going to take time. They’d be less likely to admit how hard it is to achieve that dream.”
“So, you’re saying I need to shut up and put up?” I asked, knowing I was quickly reaching the point where that’d be impossible. “I can’t do that, Zach. I’ve tried and I can’t. PJ probably doesn’t even realize it, but he’s been acting weird lately. Stressed. It’s like he’s been waiting for something to happen, and every day that’s calm only puts him that more on edge. And I’m the one who walks around on eggshells because he’s in a crappy mood by the time he gets home.”
“Then you need to talk to him about that,” Zach suggested. “If he’s being a dick, call him out on it. But you also need to remember that he lives in a different world than you do. And you need to decide whether or not what the two of you share is enough to get you through the hard times. Remember, he’s not going to play forever. He already told you that.”
“You’re right,” I conceded, starting to think I was the one being unreasonable. PJ was already stressed; he didn’t need me getting upset with him for how he was handling a shitty situation.
“Good, now was there anything else? I need to get to bed, we have an early morning tomorrow for some press shit.”
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.” We said goodbye and I tossed my phone onto the love seat under the window before laying back on the bed. It was