but at what point do you stop being a pioneer and become a martyr? What happens if their attitudes don’t change and the front office doesn’t take steps to make it known they won’t tolerate hate? What happens if one of your teammates accuses you of eyeing them up in the showers? Because you can’t tell me that won’t start up as soon as you go back there. Hell, I’d be willing to bet some of them have already been trying to think of anything you might’ve done in the past that could be taken as you harassing them.”
“So, you’re saying I should walk away?” I jumped when PJ slammed a cupboard door shut. I spun around, ready to ask him what his problem was, but there was no time before he launched into his tirade. “I’ve tried everything to get them to release me so I could find another team. And it sucks, because my entire childhood, all I wanted to do was play for Miami, just like my dad did. I busted my ass, hoping the right scout would be watching and suggest they draft me.
“That didn’t happen, and I spent years bouncing from one team to the next, just waiting for a call telling me it was time to come home. When Miami finally acquired me in a trade, Dad was so damn happy he almost cried. This is the type of thing guys like me dream of. And now, I’m on the verge of getting into the record books right next to him and it fucking kills me to even think about giving up on that. So yeah, maybe I’m not as ready to pack up and move as I originally thought, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit back and let assholes make comments or fuck with my locker because that’s typical clubhouse behavior.”
The tension between us was palpable. We were on the verge of our first real fight and I had to decide whether to engage or walk away. I went with my gut and stepped close enough that our chests were nearly touching. I wrapped my arms around PJ’s neck and leaned in so our foreheads touched. I wanted his full attention. I wanted him to feel that I wasn’t the enemy here. I wasn’t trying to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do; I simply didn’t want him waiting on a miracle that might never come.
“PJ, I’m not telling you to retire. And even if I was, that’s not my call to make. Whether it’s today or ten years from now, you’re the only person who’ll know when it’s time to quit. I’m just worried that you’re trying to sell yourself a line you don’t fully believe.”
“But I have to,” he responded somberly. “I can’t explain where I’m coming from so you’ll understand, but I really feel like this is something I have to do. I’m too close to walk away, no one’s looking to trade this early in the year, and Miami doesn’t want to let me go.”
“I guess if you have no other options, then stay with Miami, but do it with your eyes open. Have you considered talking directly to the GM? Maybe you’d have better luck if you weren’t going through other people all the time,” I suggested. “It may not seem like it sometimes, but I’ll support you in whatever decision you make.”
“That means everything,” he admitted. PJ reached behind me for our plates and led me into the living room rather than the breakfast nook where we normally ate. As soon as I sat next to him, he curled his body around mine. “And in case I haven’t told you, you’re a sexy, brilliant man. With any luck, you’ll be around to help me pull my head out of my ass for a long time.”
My stomach flipped, as I was once again thinking about how quickly everything between us was moving. Allowing myself to feel so much for someone I’d only recently met was reckless, but even when we’d first reunited in the parking lot, it felt like just that: a reunion between two people rather than a planned meeting of relative strangers. I hoped we’d find a way to keep our relationship growing once PJ got back to work.
13
Pj
Brian Evans had always scared the shit out of me. When I was a kid, he and Dad played together and there was something about his demeanor that sent me running. The fact