idea,” he warned with a shake of his head. He had the cutest bed hair. The blond strands were ruffled from sleep, and I liked the look on him.
As he stared down at me, I felt sixteen again—only he’d be the cute boy next door. I wished I’d known him then. I wished it had been Loren I’d given my virginity and let use my body. I knew he would have stood by me.
“I don’t care. I’m done living my life afraid of what tomorrow brings.”
“Cool, so when we kill each other?”
I dug my nails into his naked back. “You’re going to be nice, remember?”
Loren rolled his eyes, and then slowly, his demeanor changed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him look so defeated as he stared at the bedspread beneath me. “Tell that to them,” he mumbled.
When his gaze shifted to me, and I saw the uncertainty in it, I finally asked the question that had been nagging me since Oni brought it up. “What happened between you? Why aren’t you close anymore?”
Once again, I watched his mood shift. There was distrust in his eyes now since I shouldn’t know that they secretly hated each other. “Who says we aren’t close anymore?”
“You still call them your best friends, but you fight them like you’re not. Am I not supposed to notice how you’re always eager to get away from each other?”
“Friends fight,” he argued with a shrug. The careless demeanor he tried to give off didn’t match the angry curl of his lip. He was defensive, and that gave me hope when I shouldn’t care.
“They do,” I agreed. “But not like you. Not as often as you.”
I tried not to look so disappointed when Loren moved from between my legs to lay on his back next to me. When he was settled, he folded one arm beneath his head. “It’s this life,” he mumbled while staring at the ceiling. “We didn’t know how much we’d be giving up. We started to blame each other for our choices, even though we’d made them together.”
“You resent being famous?”
He shook his head. “I resent how much I needed it. I traded one fucked-up existence for another. We all did. The only one who really had a choice was Houston.”
I frowned at that. “So why did he do it?”
Turning his head, Loren stared at me for a long time, probably deciding whether it was safe to confide in me. I wish I knew the answer. I told Houston that I didn’t want to hurt them, but pain was often caused unintentionally.
“Rich…and me.”
Just as I was getting close, Loren decided he was done sharing. Ripping back the privacy curtain, he left me in his bunk alone.
Throwing my arm over my eyes, I wondered if, like them, I’d agreed to more than I had bargained. They were complicated at best and completely hopeless at their worst. Guarded, they were a labyrinth of emotions, questions, and riddles. I was traveling up this winding creek without a paddle, a map, or a clue. The hurdles they forced me to jump to reach them were high. I was already bearing the scrapes and bruises.
I summoned the energy to pull myself out of bed with a groan for the second time today. The moment I lifted my arm, I found Houston awake, sitting up and staring at me as if I’d kicked his kitten. Sensing I needed it to face the day, my mind conjured the image of Houston with a dozen kittens crawling all over him. I made sure he noticed the smile it brought as I hopped from the top bunk and landed on my feet.
“Coffee?”
I didn’t wait for his answer before prancing through the door leading to the kitchen.
He followed me, of course.
Houston was silent as he sat down at the small table no one ever used. I knew he was trying to figure out what I was up to and how far I’d gone with Loren in his bed. I hummed to myself just to piss him off as I tinkered with their fancy coffee machine. I was slowly getting the hang of all the bells and whistles.
“What are you up to, Fawn?”
Ah, so it speaks. I kept my back to him while the first cup filled. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you asking questions that are none of your business?”
“That’s your perspective. It’s not mine.”
“Cut it out, Brax. I fucking mean it. No more questions and no more pretending you care. None of us