Houston or me as Houston parked his truck in front of a low stone wall of a small, dirt parking lot. I didn’t respond to Loren as I texted Rich instead.
About?
He forced me to watch those bubbles dance long enough to make me fear the worst, only for him to send another cryptic one-word response.
Rich: Later.
I hated him.
Feeling like I was going to vomit, I hurriedly pushed open the front passenger door of Houston’s matte gray G-Wagon and climbed out to inhale the fresh air. I could feel their attention, but I couldn’t face them yet. They’d know what I was thinking, and they’d make excuses for him.
No, I texted Rich as the smell of embers filled my nose. I want to talk now.
Rich: We will, baby. Tonight. I promise.
Fuck you.
My phone had only just confirmed the text was delivered when it started ringing immediately after. I stared at Rich’s name on the screen before turning it off completely and shoving my phone in my crossbody.
I didn’t want to talk anymore.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to do both while murdering Rich for making me feel this way.
And then I wondered how long before Houston and Loren did the same. How long before they slowly and torturously broke my heart into little pieces too?
I felt heavy arms circle my waist, but I fought them.
They tightened just before the point when breathing would have been impossible, and finally, I relaxed. “It’s not what you think,” Houston whispered when he felt my surrender. “He’s not having second thoughts.”
“How do you know that?” I returned flatly. “You’re in his head uninvited too?”
Houston squeezed my waist before turning me around to face him. I couldn’t handle the intensity of his stare that bid me to trust him, so I dropped my gaze to his feet.
Houston lifted chin right back up.
“I know because there’s no such thing as getting over you.”
Feeling the butterflies in my belly take flight, I rolled my eyes instead of melting into him like I wanted. I wasn’t ready to believe him yet. “Jericho will tell you what he’s thinking when he’s ready.”
“Is this how it will always be?” I snapped as I pulled away from him. “I hurry up when you want, and I wait when you want?”
First, they wouldn’t allow me the time to consider the implication of being with all three of them. Now they were keeping secrets and expecting the courtesy of patience—virtues they failed to show me.
Maybe I’m the one who should be having second thoughts.
I was ready to walk away, if only for a moment to breathe and think, as I backed up another step.
I didn’t get further than that before Loren, who’d snuck up behind me, kept me trapped between them.
“Something we should know?” he casually inquired while he left me facing Houston. His tone was sinister, like he’d read my thoughts.
Ignoring the metallic smell permeating the air, I lifted my chin, hoping it would be a warning to them.
“You’re both dicks?”
Loren’s chuckle was quiet as he gently pushed me forward to get me going when Houston stepped away and led us down the forested trail.
“You’re not worried about being recognized?” I asked them when we passed people jogging or walking here and there.
Houston shrugged as he kept his gaze fixed ahead and his jaw tight. “It’s home.”
His meaning became clear when we encountered a few who recognized Houston and Loren—and even me—and welcomed them back before going on their way.
Here in Portland, they didn’t have to be gods.
They were able to be the men they were underneath. And I got to enjoy them too.
It was a ten-minute half-a-mile hike to the old stone ruins. I didn’t understand why they brought me here since the crumbling structure covered in moss, missing a roof, and had nothing around but woods and more woods wasn’t much to look at.
I didn’t understand until Loren informed me that Bound’s first performance had taken place here. At Witch’s Castle. I looked around, feeling my resolve weaken as Loren recounted that night, allowing me to see the face of their humble beginnings with my own eyes. It had been just another high school kegger in front of a crowd of fifty, but it counted.
It counted because I knew despite the secrets they kept that they were trying.
Houston, Loren, and Rich were letting me in.
They were stumbling through the dark, but they were determined to find their way. For that promise, as the scent of vanilla and morning dew