away too much, but she wanted more than anything to hold her for as long as she could. But the elevator had already come and Sam was calling her. “I love you, baby, I'll see you soon … I love you …” she called over her shoulder, as tears streamed from her eyes, and she ran for the elevator as Carmen watched her. Annabelle was already watching cartoons on TV by then, but Carmen was haunted by the look on her employer's face, as she put Sam's dishes into the sink, and then she remembered that Alex hadn't eaten anything, she hadn't even had a glass of juice or a cup of coffee. Something was very wrong. She just knew it.
By then, Alex and Sam were in a cab, on the way to the hospital, and he was making easy conversation, while she wished he wouldn't. It was almost worse than talking about what was happening, and all she could think of was Annabelle's sweet little face when she left her, or the way she had felt in her arms when she'd kissed her good-bye. It was almost beyond bearing.
“We have another group of Arabs corning in today, and some people from the Netherlands. I must say, Simon knows some extraordinary people. I was really wrong about him.” He chatted on as they headed east to New York Hospital, where they were going to meet Dr. Peter Herman.
“I'm glad to hear it,” Alex snapped at him, indifferent to Simon's virtues, or their potential clients. “Are you going to stick around for this, or are you going to the office?” Nothing would have surprised her, but he also knew she wanted him to be there.
“I told you I'd stay, and I will. I had Janet call the doctor and he said what with the anesthetic, the procedure will take about half an hour, forty-five minutes if they get delayed. You'll be down shortly after that, and you can sleep it off until the afternoon. I thought I'd hang around till ten-thirty or eleven, you'll be awake by then, or you'll have woken up and gone back to sleep in your room. And then I'll come back this afternoon and get you.”
There was a long silence as she nodded and stared out the window. “I wish I shared your optimism.” She had already told him that she had opted for a “one-stop” procedure. She was going to sign a permission form that would allow the doctor to do whatever he had to once he got there. So that if the biopsy brought bad news, he would perform all the needed surgery that day. She didn't want to come back again after an agonizing wait, knowing that she had to lose the breast anyway. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen today, biopsy, mastectomy, or lumpectomy if the problem was minimal enough to warrant taking out only the lump. But she already knew Dr. Herman's thoughts on that subject. She wouldn't know what he'd done to her until she woke up. But at least she only had to face the terror once. Sam still thought she was crazy.
“You really trust this guy that much?” he asked again, as they crossed York Avenue and the hospital loomed ahead like a dinosaur ready to devour her.
“His reputation's excellent. I checked him out thoroughly. And I got a second opinion.” She had never even told him. “The second doctor completely agreed with what he'd said, Sam. It's pretty clear, but not very pretty.”
“I still wouldn't give him too much leeway. Take it one step at a time.” But she didn't agree with him, and when she'd called John Anderson to discuss it with him, he had thought she was doing the right thing. He told her to trust Peter Herman completely.
The cab stopped in front of the hospital, and Sam paid for it and grabbed her small tote bag. She had brought only a few things, in the hope that Sam would be right, and it wouldn't be a long stay. And he could bring her the rest of what she'd need if she had to stay longer. But packing her tote had reminded her of when she'd gone to the hospital to have Annabelle. It was a happier time, and it seemed only moments ago, although she was almost four years old now.
They followed the arrows to the registration desk, but Alex had preregistered, when she'd gone in for her blood work and