The Lightkeeper's Wife - By Karen Viggers Page 0,140

catch up soon?’

The gap in conversation grows heavy.

‘Look, I don’t want to hassle you when you’re feeling down,’ she says. ‘But I do want to see you. Please will you call when you’re feeling better?’

‘Sure.’

But when I’m feeling better could be a long time away.

She calls again a week later. ‘Tom. I have great news. Fredricksen’s going to offer you the job. To come south with me. What do you think?’

I sit blankly. This was what I’d hoped for. But I find I can’t even contemplate going south.

‘Are you okay?’ Emma asks.

‘I need some time,’ I stammer. ‘It’s too soon after . . .’

She’s quiet for a long moment. ‘I’m sorry. I was so thrilled, I couldn’t wait to tell you. But it wasn’t very tactful of me to blurt it out like that. Are you all right?’

‘I’m okay,’ I lie.

‘Look, Tom. I have to go. Take care and we’ll speak soon.’

The next day Bazza is on the phone. ‘I heard Fredricksen offered you a job,’ he says.

‘I haven’t made any decisions.’

‘Good. Because I want to offer you a job too—on a better wage than Fredricksen can give you. We’re having troubles finding good diesos for the summer. You can winter, if you like. And you can have Mawson Station if that’s what you want. So you can see those emperor penguins you’re always talking about.’

‘I’m not sure I want to go to Mawson.’

‘But that’s where Fredricksen’s job is . . .’ There’s a pause, and I hope Bazza will give up, but of course he’s onto it like a dog at a bone. ‘It’s because she’s going there, isn’t it? Emma.’

‘Maybe.’

‘I thought you wanted to go with her . . . ? Ah, well then, if that’s the case, I suppose there’s something else I should tell you. Then maybe you’ll take up my offer at another station. Nick Thompson’s going to Mawson too.’

‘Great.’

‘He’s a prick,’ Bazza says. ‘Emma’s not his first antdiv conquest. Look, come and see me, we’ll discuss things. How about some remote field work? A traverse? Would you consider that?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Think about it. These opportunities don’t come up very often.’

‘Why are you doing this?’

‘I need a good dieso. And you’re my mate. You need picking up. Don’t worry about Nick Thompson. Emma will drop him before the ship leaves, mark my words. He’s playing the field, can’t help himself.’

‘You haven’t seen them together.’

‘Yes, I have. I work here, remember? His eyes are everywhere.’

‘I don’t want to talk about him.’

‘Neither do I. Come and see me tomorrow lunchtime. I’ll buy you a sandwich.’

I meet Bazza in the antdiv cafeteria. We take a table in the back corner and drink awful coffee with flabby sandwiches. Bazza says they have new cafeteria staff, but things haven’t improved. He asks me what I think about his proposition, but it’s too soon to make decisions. I’m still laden with the burden of Mum’s death. And home is no escape. Jan’s been calling and leaving messages for me to come and visit. She’s rotten with guilt and she wants me to reassure her, to absolve her of her sins. But I can’t do it. Neither can Jacinta. We have enough of our own grief to deal with. But Jan keeps finding ways to beg for support. She insists she needs help to go through Mum’s things, but I can’t face riffling through Mum’s wardrobe—all those clothes she’ll never wear again. It’ll only intensify the emptiness. In the past few days, whenever the phone has rung, Jess and I have left the house and gone for a walk. Every time we hear Jan’s voice we need fresh air and wind.

Bazza watches me across the table. ‘You’re doing it tough,’ he observes. ‘Shit of a thing, losing a mother. Mine died a decade ago.’

‘How long did it take?’

‘To get over it?’

I nod.

‘I’m still not over it. But you cope, with time.’

‘That’s about what I thought.’

We sit and chew our sandwiches. I drink the coffee, trying not to grimace at its bitterness. Bazza nods towards the counter and I see Nick there buying his lunch. He’s leaning over the counter in intense conversation with one of the staff. I hope he isn’t here to meet Emma.

‘Look at him, chatting up the cafeteria girls,’ Bazza says. ‘He’s a waste of space. I don’t know what Emma sees in him.’

We watch Nick collect his order from the girl behind the counter. He’s smiling at her in an intimate way and shortly afterwards she comes to