The Lightkeeper's Wife - By Karen Viggers Page 0,126

their mobile? Or will that just panic them?’

‘Gary will be fine. Leave a message. We should let him know.’

‘Do you want me to ring Jan?’

‘Could you? I don’t feel up to it.’

She gives me Leon’s mobile number in case I need it. Then I hang up and call Gary. He doesn’t answer, so I leave a tactful message explaining what has happened to Mum. Next, I ring Jan. She answers the phone quickly. She must have been sitting on top of it.

‘Hello.’

‘Jan. It’s Tom.’

‘Have you heard anything? I’ve been waiting all day for Jacinta to call. She and Alex were going down to see Mum today.’

‘Jan, I’ve just spoken to Jacinta. Apparently Mum had a turn at the lighthouse, but she’s okay.’

‘What do you mean okay? I told them not to take her there, but of course they wouldn’t listen to me.’

‘They say she’s perked up now.’

‘They’re still down there?’

‘No, they’ve had to come home.’

‘Who’s with her then?’

‘Leon. The ranger.’

‘Why aren’t you down there?’

‘I’m just about to leave, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get over the channel. Jacinta said the ferry might not be running because of the wind.’

‘Well, if you can’t get across you should come here.’ Jan doesn’t want to be alone. She’s worried about Mum and she wants me to distract her. She wants to use me to salve her guilty conscience. I try to think of an excuse, but I’m not quick enough. ‘I’ll cook for you,’ she says.

At Kettering, the wind is sweeping the water into breakers and the ferry has been cancelled till further notice. I stand at the landing with Jess sheltering behind my legs, and stare out across the white-capped waste, wishing there was some other way to go to Mum. This is my time to be with her, and I’m powerless, grounded by the weather. There’s no chance the ferry will resume tonight when waves like these are churning on the channel.

I linger in the blast until the cold chills me then I go back home to ring Jan. It’s a shame I can’t concoct some adequate reason to dodge having to visit her in her lonely house. But she grasps me like a life-buoy and works on my sympathy till I agree to have dinner with her. When finally I’ve extracted myself from her gushes of remorse, I ring Leon’s mobile and leave a message to let him know the situation. Before I hang up, I provide Jan’s number so he can find me. Then I swing into the car with Jess.

When I arrive at Jan’s place, she collapses in tears on my shoulder, and I find myself stroking her as if she’s a child. I tell her she’s welcome to come to Cloudy Bay tomorrow morning, but she’s inconsolable and her dramatics tire me. We sit in the kitchen drinking tea while she unburdens her conscience. I’d like to feel sorry for her, but Jan has created her own hell. Over the past weeks, I’ve offered several times to take her down to visit Mum, but she’s always been too busy. She makes teary phone calls to Jacinta and Gary, raking over everything and blaming everybody until my mind starts to spin.

We’re halfway through a bowl of pumpkin soup when her phone rings. She answers it quickly then passes it on to me.

Even though Leon’s voice is buffeted by wind, I can detect his tension. I take the phone from the room, seeking privacy from Jan.

‘I’m down at the carpark,’ Leon says. ‘I had to leave her for a few minutes, but I thought I should ring you. She’s not too good, Tom. She was holding it together while Jacinta and Alex were here, but she’s deteriorated since they left. I’m not sure what to do.’

‘I can’t get over there,’ I tell him. ‘They’ve shut the ferry down.’

‘I’m happy to stay with her, but I’m worried. She’s not talking any more.’

Not talking? This is unexpected. A fist of panic clutches my throat. ‘Does she know you’re there?’ I ask.

‘I think so.’ He sounds hesitant. How could Mum have declined so quickly? Jacinta said she’d be okay.

‘Was she all right when you first arrived?’ I ask.

‘She was resting. But her breathing’s turned bad now, Tom. I don’t like it. She seems to be struggling.’

‘Look. I’ll be there first thing in the morning, even if I have to swim the channel.’

I hang up and turn back to the kitchen, but Jan is behind me, her cheeks wet