The Lightkeeper's Wife - By Karen Viggers Page 0,124

A cry, the whoosh of air escaping.

She had fallen from the cliffs again. Only this time there was no ledge to stop her fall.

29

At midday, Emma is on my doorstep. As I open the door I hear the rough sound of a poorly tuned engine and see an old crimson Commodore rumbling down the hill.

Emma looks messy, red-eyed and pale. Probably not feeling particularly good after last night. ‘You left,’ she says.

‘Yes. I waited, but you needed to rest.’

‘You didn’t look after me properly last night then, did you?’

I shrug.

‘Can I come in?’

I stand back and she scuffs inside and collapses on the couch. Jess jumps up and lays her head in Emma’s lap. They lie there together, limp and lifeless, while I fill the kettle. There is a long silence as I wait for it to boil.

‘You said you’d been reading my journal,’ Emma says eventually.

‘I’m sorry.’ I place the teapot and two mugs on the coffee table. ‘I didn’t mean to.’

‘So why did you do it?’ She’s prickly and hungover.

‘I don’t know. It was lying there and I just picked it up. I wasn’t thinking.’

‘That was an invasion of privacy.’

‘Yes. I’m sorry. As soon as I realised I put it down.’

‘What did you read?’

‘Just a few references to Nick.’

‘A few references? I thought you put it down straightaway.’

‘I did.’

‘Anyway,’ she says flippantly, ‘don’t believe everything you read.’

I wonder what that’s supposed to mean.

‘Everyone has a few lapses down south.’ She flicks at Jess’s ears. ‘Did you enjoy the party?’ she asks.

‘I’m not much of a party person.’

She laughs, disbelieving. ‘I don’t know how you survived on station then.’

I pour the tea.

‘Nick wasn’t very happy about bringing me down here,’ she says. ‘But you know I don’t have a car.’

So the Commodore was Nick’s. I hedge carefully. ‘I told you I’m happy to help find a car for you.’

She ignores this. ‘He was pretty cranky about it, actually. I don’t think he likes you very much. I think he’s jealous of you.’

I pass her a mug, but she sets it aside and pulls me down to her and kisses me. We make love on the couch, our bodies pressed together, her mouth still tasting faintly of beer. It leaves me breathless and confused.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t up to that last night.’ She wipes her mouth absently.

I roll onto my back among the cushions and stare at the ceiling. What does this woman want from me? Without speaking, she gets up and puts on her clothes. Her mood has changed in the blink of an eye. ‘Can you take me home now?’ she asks.

I reach forward to stroke her knee, but she pushes my hand away.

‘I want to go right now.’ She walks out onto the front verandah while I dress.

‘Can you tell me what’s wrong?’ I ask, coming outside, keys in my hand.

‘You ought to know,’ she snaps.

I follow her down to the car and open the door for her. She’s hostile, not looking at me. ‘It’d help if you’d tell me,’ I say. ‘I’m not good at these things.’

She gets inside and slams the door and we drive back to Hobart in silence. She stares out the side window, her face tight and closed.

When we pull up outside her house, I try again. ‘Are you all right?’ I attempt to place my hand on her leg, but she pushes me away. Then I realise she’s crying. Her whole body is shaking with it, tears running down her face like water. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say, not knowing why I’m sorry or what I’ve done.

She bursts out of the car then comes around to my door and yells, ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’

I wind down the window.

‘You can’t set boundaries for me, can you? You can’t tell me to keep away from Nick. I need a man who will fight for me.’ She begins crying again and turns away, covering her eyes with her arm, and staggers up the path alongside the house.

I sit in the car with my head against the steering wheel, mind spinning with emotions.

I wonder what to do. Should I go in after her? Try to find her? Talk to her? I’ve been sitting here for some time already, and Nick’s car is parked just in front of mine. What if she has already gone to him?

I start the car and sit with it idling for a while. Then I turn it off again, and sit some more. Eventually I get out and walk