A Lie for a Lie (All In) - Helena Hunting Page 0,55
was a terrible mistake,” I snap.
RJ pushes out of his chair and tries to corral me, but I slip between the chairs, out of reach once again.
“You said you planned to tell me the truth once you got to LA and we got in touch, but how was that ever going to work? I’d see all the same things, and I would’ve been on the other side of the country. How would you explain it then? How would you have been able to make me see whatever truth you want to feed me?” I move toward the house. “I tried to find you—I called every single alpaca farm in New York looking for you, but no one knew who you were, which makes sense, since I was asking for someone they’d never heard of.”
RJ’s expression is pained. “My mom sold the farm right after Max was born—to an investor. She wanted to be in LA with my sister and brother.”
I shake my head, not wanting to hear how we missed each other by weeks. “I tried to find you, but how hard did you try to find me, RJ? Really and truly?” I remember how devastated I was when I couldn’t find him and how, recently, I began to wonder if it hadn’t been a karmic blessing. “I need to go.”
RJ’s shoulders cave. “Please, Lainey.”
“I can’t be here right now. This is too much.” I move toward the sliding door, needing to get away from him and all the memories and the conflict I’m feeling over him and everything I know now.
“Can’t you give me a chance to prove you already know the real me?”
I can’t look at him and see that his expression matches the sadness in his voice. I want to give him that chance, but I don’t want to set myself up for more disappointment. “And put my heart on the line for you again? How will I trust you?”
He steps in front of the door before I can reach it. I stumble back, and he grips my biceps to keep me from falling—or maybe to keep me from running away. I long for the feel of his arms around me again. I want to sink into his warmth and the comfort I remember so vividly still.
“I was falling for you. I was halfway in l—”
“Don’t!” I all but shout. “Don’t play with my emotions. It’s unfair.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to be honest.”
“You had plenty of chances to be honest. Just let me go, Rook.” I say his name like a curse.
“I already let you go once, Lainey, and it gutted me—I don’t know if I can do it again.”
“Well, you can’t hold me captive, can you?”
“No. I can’t.” He releases me, and I spin around, yank the door open, and pad across the hardwood to the front entrance. Stupid, rogue tears start to fall as I shove my feet into my flats. I don’t know how to reconcile the version of him I thought I knew with the one who lives in an almost mansion and has a reputation for being a colossal playboy.
I struggle to open the door, unable to figure out how the locks work with how blurry my vision is. I realize I’m on the verge of a full-blown panic attack—all of this is too much to handle. I struggle to breathe, to think. My vision swims with dots, and suddenly I find myself pulled into his solid embrace.
His lips find my temple. “Breathe, Lainey—just breathe.”
I cling to his shirt, trying to force myself to let go when all I want to do is hold on tighter. He rubs soothing circles on my back, murmuring for me to breathe over and over, telling me he’s sorry, that he never wanted to hurt me.
I count all the things I can feel, see, hear, taste, and smell. Eventually I calm down enough that I’m able to pry my fingers from his shirt. I press my palms against his chest, his heart beating hard under them.
He brushes away my tears. “I’m so sorry, Lainey. This wasn’t what I wanted. I thought your silence was your way of telling me my feelings were one-sided.”
“I have to go.” It’s nothing but a broken whisper.
He cups my face in his palms. “Please look at me.”
I slowly lift my eyes, taking in his devastatingly handsome face.
“I messed this up once, Lainey, and I understand that I’ve blindsided you with all of this, but I promise I’m the