the painting for. He turned his head to tell her it was a red flower and he bopped his head against mine.”
“And you thought to yourself, why not just get blasted drunk and show up at Aaron’s?” Rae asked.
“I don’t remember,” I said. “But the good news is that you got to experience my presence one more time.”
“Oh, how blessed we are,” she said.
She opened the door to the fridge, blocking herself from view.
I looked at Aaron and mouthed sorry, brother.
He shrugged his shoulders and pointed. Then he mouthed get the fuck out.
I pushed from the counter and my right hand touched my right back pocket.
A flash of a memory from the night before hit me.
I quickly shoved my hand into my back pocket.
It was empty.
I reached into my other back pocket and that was empty too.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked.
“I have to go,” I said.
“The greatest words I’ve heard all morning,” Rae announced with her head in the fridge.
I charged forward and Aaron put a hand out.
I knocked him out of the way and kept going.
I had done a lot of stupid things while drunk in my life… but this was bad.
I lost the letter I wrote for Delilah.
Chapter 9
A Meeting II
A WHILE AGO
(Josh)
“Did you do what we talked about last time, Josh?”
I stopped pacing and looked out the fourth-floor office window. The parking lot was full, the town damp from the late morning rain. My eyes kept focusing on random droplets of rain that had clung to the window, not willing to let go so easily and just float down the glass.
“Josh?”
I turned. “I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“Yet?”
“Look, it isn’t easy, okay? You of all people should know that.”
“I completely understand. That’s why I’m asking. I’m not judging. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just talking.”
“Asking questions.”
“Which is my job. Unless, of course, you have anything you’d like to talk about.”
“Yeah, actually I do,” I said. I walked to a leather loveseat and sat down. Right on the edge. “What if I don’t ever want to say goodbye? Huh? What if that… stuff… is the driving force behind me?”
“I believe it.”
“You believe it?”
“Yes. What you just said. The unanswered questions. The deep-seated anger. Pain. All of that manifests into something… well… beautiful. And if you write this letter. If you say goodbye. If you get that closure and walk away a little freer, then what?”
“Exactly. Then what?”
“You think you’ll lose your edge.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Forget about that for a second. I’m talking personal.”
“Personal. Okay. What does that mean, Josh?”
“That means…” I stood up and started to pace around the office again. I must have put a hundred miles on that floor by now. “She deserved better. More. A chance at life. And I’m the only one who ever cared for her… and then I’m the only one who says goodbye…”
Silence filled the room.
I hated when that happened.
Those passing seconds waiting for someone to say something.
“I don’t want that,” I finally said.
“You don’t want to say goodbye? Even though you know she’s not really here.”
“That’s where I call bullshit,” I said. “How can you tell me what to believe?”
“I’m not doing that at all, Josh. I’m talking in the physical sense. In the physical presence. Right?”
“Fuck your physical presence,” I said. “How’s that?”
“You can read the letter. Why not start there? Read the letter to me. Or read it into a mirror. So the words are said.”
“Or never.”
“What about your dream? Have you had it again lately?”
“No,” I said.
“Did you have any dreams?”
“No.”
“Okay. So, no dreams.”
I looked at the door to the office. “Drinking helps.”
“With what, Josh?”
“Sleeping,” I said. “I drink. I sleep. There are no dreams.”
“I think we both know what my response to that would be. I won’t say it… unless I have to…”
“I know,” I said. “That’s a dangerous path.”
“Would you like to shift gears a little? Maybe we can talk about something else. Come back to the letter in a little while.”
“What else is there to talk about?” I asked.
“We can talk about your father. Your family. Maybe we can-”
“I think we’re good for today,” I said.
I opened the door and left.
Nobody came after me. Nobody begged me to come back.
The only person who ever would… was gone.
Chapter 10
Same As Him
NOW
(Amelia)
I opened the door to the gallery, and it was an entirely different world. The place was barren, the spotlights all turned off, the walls mostly bare, the fake wood grain floor looked cozy and comfortable as I walked